Having perused well the chronicle of the week, the Vigilant Patriot views with alarm:

An attack upon the good name of an innocent woman now dead 97 years.

Two sad-eyed goats.

Garbage about Mr. Gladstone.

Barrel-chested, sweating, heavy-handed Adolph Seibert.

Enemies to the country--"they do not even know when the time has arrived for a hair cut."

Indecent advances from a bald, skinny little man with glasses.

"A word in one letter that means a food, and it isn't T."

Mr. & Mrs. Coolidge badly jostled by crowds of eager druggists.

Too much sitting, too much clock-watching.