Had they been interviewed, some people who figured in last week's news might have related certain of their doings as follows:

Sir Thomas Beecham, musician, pill-maker: "Before my forthcoming departure to the U. S. (TIME, Nov. 15) I last week in Belfast reiterated my scornful opinion of the English. Asked for a panacea, I said:

'Extract the brains from the public, pickle them, put them in the Natural History Museum with a strong infusion of monkey gland, stir hard and let simmer for 100 years. Something may emerge from the mixture.'"

Theodore Steinway, piano maker:* "Last week two post cards, mailed simultaneously last October, reached the Collectors' Club, Manhattan, after a haste-post-haste trip in opposite directions around the world. My card, bearing a picture of Governor Smith, arrived first, after a westbound trip to San Francisco, Tokyo, London. The other card, mailed by Hugh Clark, stamp collector, bore a picture of President Coolidge, and arrived four hours later in Manhattan, after an eastbound trip to London, Tokyo, San Francisco. I won $500."

Samuel Untermeyer, corporation lawyer: "My counsel fees are among the highest in the profession. For $100 no one can hire me to walk out my office door, if that walking displeases me. Yet last week I was given a fee of $83.75 for representing Allen R. Ryan, son of Thomas Fortune Ryan. I was his lawyer when he went bankrupt, after his 1920 corner of Stutz Motor stock, with $9,000,000 of unsecured debts. Last week those debts were liquidated for approximately 18 1/2c on the dollar. My $83.75 represented my original $45,000 fee."

F. E. Smith, Viscount Furneaux and Earl of Birkenhead, Secretary of State for India: "As a member of the fashionably rowdy London Kit-Cat Club I assumedly viewed with alarm the publicity which it received last week, due to the shocking behavior of a Lord. Driven by one 'Teddy Oysters,' valiant old-school London cabby, the young Earl of Northesk led a 'hansom cab race' of nine other peers-about-town through Piccadilly to the very door of the Kit-Cat. . . . The police, unable to ignore the place after this escapade, prepared to raid it. Discovering in the nick of time that Edward of Wales was witkin, they postponed their raid until he had departed."

Edward of Wales: "Mrs. Keld Fenwick (once lurid U. S. actress 'Peggy Marsh'),/- the Jewish Belgian billionaire Capt. Alfred Lowenstein and myself hunted with a party last week in my favorite haunt, the Melton Mowbray district. Suddenly Captain Lowenstein's horse bolted, throwing him. Peggy Marsh and I spurred after the beast, which I captured. Captain Lowenstein got up uninjured. At present he is being sued by a French doorman whom he hit in the jaw (TIME, Nov. 8), and two French detectives are in Manhattan tracing $600,000 worth of gems of which his wife was robbed last summer."

Edward of Wales: "One Rev. A. G. A. Lees, Staffordshire Methodist, last week declared that I 'play to the gallery.' Said he: "The Prince recently visited a "pub" in the lowest slum of London (TIME, Dec. 20) and there not only drew himself a mug of beer but passed it around to several drinkers. . . . We are expected to admire this action. ... I feel nothing but loathing that the Prince should use his influence for such disgusting ends.' '

H. R. H. George Edward, fourth son of George V: "In time for my 24th birthday, I last week reached London, after 18 months' naval service in China."

H. R. H. Olav, Crown Prince of Norway: "Last week for the first time I, 23, was scheduled to serve as Regent, during the absence of my father, King Haakon VII, at Copenhagen."

H. M. Haakon VII, King of Norway: "Last week I lost a subject. Johannes Grilstad Bryn, 24, son of Helmer H. Bryn, my Minister to the U. S., took out U. S. citizenship papers in Washington. He was born in Oslo, Norway, but went to the U. S. when aged seven, and is a real estate man there, known as John Bryn."

Arthur Brisbane, Hearst editor: "Last week I wrote: 'Turkey will make a dance hall of the magnificent Church of St. Sophia, built by Constantine, just 1,600 years ago.' Well posted readers had seen this item, a few days before, in leading newsorgans, but specifically earmarked as a rumor, a proposal, a plan that 'may' be carried out. But I had said 'will.' They also noted the slip of my pen by which I assigned the erection of Saint Sophia to Constantine the Great instead of to Justinian the Great, who founded it in 532, or 195 years after the death of Constantine. This was, of course, not '1600 years ago' but 1394 years ago, a slip of 206 years, trivial in the case of a large and ignorant audience."

Helen Wills, onetime national tennis champion: "Accompanied by my mother I left home (Berkeley, Calif.) for holidays in Manhattan. I said I was in the best of health, ready for tournaments. I also said I had written two books, one on how to play tennis, the other poetry, which I hoped to have published soon. I joined the art staff of the New York World (temporarily, for I have still to complete my art course at the University of California)."

Edward Thomas Bedford, 77, Chairman-President, Corn Products Refining Co.: "'The corn products industry has been based on a great idea, the idea of turning a common staple into more valuable products,' I once said of my $100,000,000 company, which I organized 20 years ago by consolidation of 40 competitors. It was widely regarded as a 99% monopoly until the Government in 1919 persuaded us to dissolve. We now sell half of the legitimate products of corn in the U. S.--corn syrup (Karo), corn starch (Argo), corn sugar (Cerelose) and corn oil (Mazola). On each of these products the profit is less than one cent a package. Yet last year we made $12,500,000, sustaining my maxim that 'Turnover is the pearl of great price in business.' We could, of course, make corn whiskey. But that is illegal and I believe in total abstinence. I have never taken a drink. Last week I learned that the houseman of my Green Farms estate near Fairfield, Conn., one William Erbe, who had worked for me 17 years, was making moonshine. I reported him to my Green Farms neighbor, Prohibition Administrator Chester P. Mills, whose wife a few days before had found several gallons of alcohol hidden in their garage. Raiders found six whiskey stills, thirty barrels elderberry and grape wine, eight barrels rye mash. The houseman's liquor profits averaged $100 weekly, and I had been paying him $100 monthly. It may be that Houseman Erbe was merely following one of my business maxims: 'Give them what they want.' None the less I gave him just 24 hours to take himself and all his belongings off my property."

Charles Francis McKenna, 65, wealthy consulting chemist: "Better than most men I understand the scientific basis of distilling alcohol. But I am blameless for what State raiders found on my estate near Suffern, N. Y., last week--a 2,500-gallon still (worth $200,000), 150 hogsheads of distilled 190-proof alcohol, 300 hogsheads of fermenting mash, besides sugar, yeast and malt grain. Scoundrels had leased the place, which I closed four months ago to travel South for my health, to cut ice, they said, on the lake there. The troopers who raided my estate wished to dump the mash and alcohol in the lake. But the lake supplies Suffern with water and most people there feared pollution. So the mess was spread over the earth."

James Burgess Book Jr., 37, up-builder of Detroit: "Two Manhattan brothers--John A. Larkinn and Edward L. Larkin--filed plans last week to construct the Larkin-Tower at Times Square. The idea is to make it 1,208 feet, 110 stories high. If it is built, it will be the fourth largest structure in the world, surpassed only by the new Graybar Building now under construction in Manhattan, the Equitable Building in Manhattan, and the General Motors Building in Detroit. More important to me, if built, it will be the tallest structure in the world. And I had thought that my own 85-story, 873-foot Book Tower abuilding in Detroit would long remain the tallest office building in the world, with only the 1,000-foot Eiffel Tower surpassing it as a structure. In the light of this news, my announcement last week that I may put a dirigible mooring mast on the Book Tower, thus making it 1,147 feet high, was an anticlimax."

Albert Jolson, blackface: "I last week purchased in Washington (where I earned my first money selling newspapers), a home for my aged parents, the Rev. and Mrs. R. Moses Yoelson."

President Frank L. McVey, Ph. D., LL. D., of the State University of Kentucky: "Four women of Lexington, Ky., Professor C. M. Sax of our University's art department, and I, put on nightgowns, filled our hair with flowers and, carrying a sheet strung out like a rope, paraded through my house. We knew quite well what we were doing. The occasion was a joint reunion of Vassar and University of Chicago alumnae. There being a shortage of performers, Professor Sax and I were conscripted to aid the burlesque of Vassar's daisy-chain."

Wallace Beery, cinema villain: "Smack went the ball last week, but not off the bat. I was filming Casey at the Bat, in Hollywood, and was at the plate, lustily warming up to knock a home run. 'Hey!' barked the megaphone. I turned. The pitcher pitched a sizzler which smacked into my head. I collapsed, unconscious. I was soon brought to, but no more film was shot that day."

*Brother of Frederick T. Steinway (TIME, June 29, 1925), the President of Steinway & Co., makers of "the instrument of the immortals."

/-Who failed to recover $2,000,000 from the Marshall Field estate in 1920, after alleging that she is the mother of an illegitimate great-grandson in direct male line of the late famed merchant.