Had they been interviewed, some people who figured in last week's news might have related certain of their doings as follows:

Albert Bushnell Hart, onetime professor of history at Harvard: "Authors William E. Woodward of George Washington: The Image and The Man, whom, together with Author Rupert Hughes of George Washington: The Human Being and The Hero (1732-1762), I lately characterized as 'tyros,' amateurish, falsifying historians, last week retorted: 'I had rather be a tyro than a dodo.' I soon answered Tyro Woodward, suggesting a jury to decide the relative merits of 'tyros not yet out of the shell as against dodoes who at least are hatched.' "

James Joseph Tunney, champion fisticuffer: "Crossing ice-covered Moosehead Lake, Me., with friends, to attend early Christmas mass, I took a running jump at a ten-foot 'wrinkle' (slush bank pushed up by expansion). My feet shot from under me, I sat in water 100 feet deep. Forming a human chain, my friends dragged me out and one of them ran ashore with me. My teeth chattering, I rushed to a hotel, draped my clothes on a radiator, crept into bed, downed a mug of hot chicken broth, snuggled for hours."

George Bernard Shaw, playwright: "A young British actor who had been called upon to impersonate me in a new farce (His Wild Oat) had the temerity to ask if I would coach him in the part. To his great surprise I acceded, received him at my house, said, 'We are all in the theatre business, my boy, and we must do what we can to help one another.' For an hour and a half I was friendly, helpful, even excited over the boy's problem. I taught him my most characteristic gesture--fluffing the ends of my mustache, my most characteristic pose--gripping my coat lapels. I examined his lines. One read: George Bernard Shaw: Would you be after thinkin' that I'd so far demean myself as to visit a play by that spalpeen, William Shakespeare?' Said I, 'No, no, no, that won't do at all,' and changed the line to read: 'George Bernard Shaw: I frequent the Old Vic to encourage William Shakespeare, me forerunner, sir."

General Umberto Nobile, famed Fascist transpolar flyer: "Major Pomarici, one of my most distinguished colleagues in the transpolar flight preparations, went to sleep, last week, in a first class compartment of the Naples-Potenza express. He was awakened when a masked youth seized him by the hair, jerked him to his feet, stabbed him in the throat and then jumped out of the car into the night and made off. Major Pomarici lay near death at Naples last week."

Fred Stanek, world champion corn husker: "Below an illustration of my smiling face, in New York Journal, I read this: 'You can see in this man's face that he was born to be a CHAMPION of some kind. He might have been a high-class ball player, with his picture in every paper, each season. He might have been a "high-class" prize-fighter . . . a wonderful billiard player, a fast runner. But these things did not interest Fred Stanek. He preferred to EARN his living and a championship in some useful way. . . .' "*

Harry Kendall Thaw, onetime lunatic: "I last week called voluntarily at Bronx County Court, New York, during the trial of Mrs. Catherine Denino, 16, who recently admitted shooting to death one Luigi Fino, her betrayer. I hoped to congratulate her upon a suspended sentence, but Judge Barrett postponed decision to Jan. 5, to allow further investigation. Said I to reporters: 'I shall do all I can to aid this young woman.'"

Stanley Baldwin, British Premier: "The sartorial publication Tailor and Cutter declared editorially last week 'Premier Baldwin dresses tactlessly. . . . The tie and collar of Mr. Churchill [Chancellor of the Exchequer] are horrifyingly Victorian. . . [and] worst of all the Earl of Birkenhead [Secretary of State of India] dresses epigrammatically.' "

James J. Walker, mayor of New York City: "At a night party last week, Colyumist Franklin Pierce Adams of the New York World heard a rumor that my hair was turning grey. Quipped he next day: 'The old grey Mayor, he ain't what he used to be.' Some days later, I disproved the allegation that I am deteriorating by undergoing an initiation, in a clubhouse of which the bar and grill were lately padlocked because keg beer was found on the premises. By this initiation I became an Elk and said: 'The obligations. . .will make me a better Mayor and a better citizen.' The Tough Club, another organization of which I am a member, presented me with a diamond-and-ruby-studded gold emblem, combining best features of the Elk and Tough Club symbols."

John Snook, Warden of the Federal Prison, Atlanta, Georgia: "When John Wesley Langley, former Kentucky Congressman, left my jail on parole,* last week, he declared: 'I have received the best of treatment from Warden Snook. . . . Things are looking up for Mrs. Langley and myself since she has been elected [TIME, Nov. 15] to the Congressional seat I once held.'"

The Very Rev. William Ralph Inge, so-called "gloomy" dean of St. Paul's, London: "I wrote an article for the current Scribner's Magazine. Said I: 'About twelve years ago some foolish young man on the staff of one of Lord Northcliffe's papers made the strange discovery that I am a pessimist and tied a tin kettle to my tail which still seems to give satisfaction in the United States, though in England it is seldom quoted any longer except as an example of a very inappropriate nickname.' At the same time I denied having predicted the ruin of England."

Wilhelm II: "My sensibilities are not wounded as it may be that those of President Coolidge are, by the spectacle of poor relatives tramping about the country and fiddling under a name both mine and theirs. None the less my cousin, Prince Joachim Albrecht, an orchestra conductor and composer of some note, will come to the U. S. in January to conduct twelve symphony concerts. He will not 'fiddle,' though he occasionally plays the bass violin at home. At 51 he is the picture of health, ruddy cheeked, tall, bearded, greatly resembling his grand uncle, Der Greise Kaiser, Wilhelm I."

H. M. Ferdinand of Rumania: "A pleasant Christmas gift to me this year, in the midst of my troubles with cancer, fire (TIME, Dec. 20) and disputes about succession to the throne, was Parliament's increase of my civil list, or yearly stipend from $140,000 to $200,000.*; My five-year-old grandson, Crown Prince Michel, had his allowance increased to $30,000. At the same time $175,000 was appropriated for restoration of the royal palace wing that was recently burned. Commentators said I would find my increased funds useful for doctor's bills and for certain expenses of what my wife, Queen Marie, calls her 'dream' tour of the U. S."

"Rube" Goldberg, famed cartoonist: "At the invitation of a New York newspaper (the Post), I went with a common reporter to visit a 'needy case.' We visited a one-time housepainter, paralyzed by paint (lead) fumes, and his wife, who was fighting to keep him from being sent to a poorhouse. In their kitchen all I could find was a loaf of bread, a small sack of flour, two bottles, one of medicine, one of sleeping fluid. Said I: 'I feel sort of rotten, riding away from here in my Minerva. After leaving them, you know. Me, I've got everything--grand kids and a wonderful wife and this new car.' "

*He husked 28 bushels of corn in 80 minutes. *He was imprisoned for conspiracy to violate the Prohibition law. *The President of the U. S. gets $100,000 yearly.