Had they been interviewed, some people who figured in last week's news might have related certain of their doings as follows:

Jeffrey John Archer, Viscount Holmesdale, great-grandson of famed Lord Jeffrey Amherst, whose name Amherst College bears: "For some months I have assisted Alexander Woollcott by writing dramatic reviews for the New York World, modestly signed with two of my many initials--J. H. Last week I received word that my father, the Fourth Earl of Amherst, aged 71, was desperately ill. Forthwith, I sailed for England hoping to see him alive. Three days out, I heard that he had died suddenly; found myself Fifth Earl of Amherst."

Mrs. William Randolph Hearst: "In ankle-length bloomers of white chiffon embroidered with silver, diamond-studded feather headdress, a bodice of brilliants with emerald and diamond shoulder-straps, anklets of diamonds and a sweeping Oriental train, I last week descended a golden staircase in the Bath and Tennis Club, Palm Beach, Fla. Up leaped one Rafaelo Diaz,* in white satin coat and silver trousers, from a throne surrounded by dancing girls. He embraced me and sang an aria from La Gioconda. It was a pageant during a Persian ball which newsgatherers reported as 'most brilliant of the season.' Mr. Diaz was supposed to be a prince out of the Thousand and One Nights; I, Queen of Loveliness.' '

Senator William E. Borah of Idaho: "Last week I returned $2,500 of my annual salary to the U. S. Treasury. I have been doing so since 1925 when Congress increased the pay of Senators and Representatives from $7,500 to $10,000, and I shall continue to do so until my term expires in 1931. I do not believe that $10,000 is an exorbitant salary, but said I: 'I went before the people of my state and asked them to elect me to a position paying $7,500 a year. They elected me, and I do not feel that I could accept an increase in good faith without giving them an opportunity to express themselves.' "

Vicente Blasco Ibanez, famed Spanish novelist: "The Italian firm which had contracted to publish my book The Muleteer of the Andes, was purchased recently by a Fascist. He dared not publish in the usual way a book by so prominent an anti-Fascist as myself. But neither did he wish to break my contract and pay me heavy damages. Therefore my book appeared last week with a bright red label stuck on the cover, reading: 'With pain at our heart we publish, in sheer respect for our contract, a new and most amusing book by that anti-Fascist swine-- Blasco Ibanez.' This stratagem boosted the sale to 'best seller' figures."

Clarence Walker Barron, editor: "This item appeared in my Barron's Weekly, financial newspaper, last week: 'Bewhiskered men in the financial district are not common. Some favor the mustache, but few go in for beards. George F. Baker, dean of the American banking field, is entitled to the honor of maintaining the dignity of bankers for he boasts a full-fledged beard, while the dignified whiskers of C. W. Barron, dean of the American financial news field, are known in Europe and Asia as well as the United States and Canada. Another internationally known individual whose consumption of razor blades is nil is Arthur Curtiss James, capitalist and yachtsman.' '

Sir Harry Lauder, singer, Scot: "Recently at Nashville, Tenn., a Pacific & Atlantic photographer snapped me tipping a Pullman porter. Last week, throughout the U. S. the picture was printed with the caption: 'ANOTHER ILLUSION SHATTERED.' "

Don Marquis, colyumist-playwright (Old Soak): "Upon reading in Heywood Broun's column a letter, signed 'Don,' which told how many rejection slips the writer had received from editors, I wrote Heywood Broun a letter: --. . . I don't want anybody in the trade to think it is I who have had all these rejections, as it might hurt business. I have been in the writing business 25 years, and have sold every manuscript I ever produced. . . .' "

Henry Fairfield Osborn, president, American Museum of Natural History: "Last week my wife and our curator's wife, Mrs. Barnum Brown, and Mrs. Childs Frick, poured tea for a company of museum and aquarium directors, Manhattan officials and society folk in a newly finished hall on the fourth floor of the American Museum. Over and around us towered the colossal skeletons of 47-foot tyrannosaunis rex, of 66-foot brontosaurus, or 'thunder lizard,' of leptoceratops, palaeoscius and many another dinosaur, of which the American Museum has the world's finest collection. The Hall of Dinosaurs which the tea opened formally is the third of six halls I have planned to show the billion-year life history of the world."

Harry S. New, U. S. Postmaster General: "A disturbance confronted me as I approached my house in Washington one afternoon last week. Two neighborhood dogs were attempting to chew up my dog. I intervened, separated the snarling trio, had my right hand mangled. Said I, later: 'I was the only one bitten in the fray. All the dogs emerged unhurt.'"

* Not to be confused with President Adolfo Diaz of Nicaragua, or with Bishop Pasquale Diaz of Tabasco, Mexico.