"Not High Enough"

"The undertaking profession is overcrowded and the death rate is not high enough. . . . Last week in Baltimore there were only ten bodies to the divide . . . and three of these were children on whose funerals there is always a loss. . . ." So said one W. F. Guerke last week, at a convention of the Maryland State Funeral Directors Association.

Frey

In Newark, one August Frey saw a large automobile bearing down on him. He had just enough time to get across the street--no, he didn't have time-- yes, he did have time . . .! As he stupidly hesitated, the car, moving slowly, knocked him flat.

Then August Frey jumped up and dusted off his clothes. In a cheery voice, a little ashamed, a little flustered, he cried: "It's all right, driver! I'm not hurt!"

The driver jumped down, ran over to Frey, shouted: "Oh, it's all right is it? Well I don't think it is!" punched August Frey's nose so hard that August Frey fell flat again.

"Maybe that will teach you to keep out of the way of automobiles!" cried the motorist as he drove away.

August Frey mopped his bloody nose with a cotton handkerchief, remarked sadly to bystanders: "Well, what do you think of that?"

Goosestep

In Providence, R. I., one Joseph de Virgilio, adult, put on a pair of stilts. As he stalked northward, his ungainly shadow flickered and staggered--first on his right, then under his stamping stilts, then finally, long and frightening, bending and kicking in a fantastic goosestep, over road and into meadow on his left. At last, in Boston, having covered 45 miles in 12 hr., 20 min.,* Joseph de Virgilio flopped down from his five-foot, 15-pound poles. His legs, swollen to far above their normal size, could not support him; he was carried moaning to a cot.

*A good walker can walk 45 miles in about nine hours.