"TIME brings all things."

Iceman

In Olathe, Kan., Probate Judge George W. Fulmer, a 60-year-old official with one arm, married Elizabeth Conn, the 16-year-old daughter of an iceman, to one William Washburn, 21. This done, E. A. Conn, local iceman and father to Elizabeth, swirled into Probate Fulmer's office and beat the smiling, crippled, bewildered old fellow within an inch of his life.

Busman

Nearing Portales, Mexico, last week, the passengers in a bus became frightened. They were on a straight road but the driver of the bus was making it go faster and faster so that it lurched across the highway. The passengers called to the driver; he paid no attention to their cries, but leaned lazily back driving with one hand, reckless and grinning. At last one of the passengers jumped into the seat beside him, pulled the emergency brake, stopped the bus and abused the driver who had been dead for about three minutes.

Crazyman

In Fairplay, Col., Anna Deeler, 58, decided that her 34-year-old son, Harry Deeler, a horse-thief and released convict, was crazy. Afraid that he would be taken away to an asylum, she coaxed him into a dark room at the back of her shanty where she chained him to a post. That was eleven years ago. Last week policemen found Harry Deeler crouching in the dark room; they wrapped him in a blanket and took him away to an asylum.

Blackman

Near Baltimore, lived a lazy, black rascal called Matt Fisher. Last week, when ennui made him yawn and moan, he decided to put an unused tie across the tracks of the Pennsylvania Railroad to derail the Philadelphia-Norfolk express train. Whistling for his dog, Matt Fisher strolled towards the railroad.

He put the tie across the tracks near a curve and then went into the bushes to wait. A few minutes before the express arrived, a freight train came puffing up to the obstruction and its engineer got out of his cab and pushed the tie down into the bushes. Matt Fisher was about to put it back where he wanted it when some trainmen who had heard his dog barking, found him sitting in the shrubbery. They asked him what he was doing and Matt Fisher, sucking on a cigaret, told them.

Eleven Chinese

To a ranch near Fairfield, Calif., one Leung Ling or Loy Yeung, a Chinese cook, paid a visit. On his arrival, he took a rifle and a hatchet and killed one Wong Gee, Mrs. Wong Gee and three Wong Gee children. This done, he slaughtered Wong Hueng, whose brother owned the ranch, an old Chinaman named Low Chuck and three others. Then, in an automobile which had belonged to one of his enemies, Leung Ling set out for ways that were dark. California police, while they were perturbed, seemed less troubled than they were last spring when a U. S. youth hacked one small girl.

Shrewd

Unique was the profession of a Polish woman which met its abrupt end last week. At a marriage ceremony in Grodno, North Poland, a priest asked his oft-repeated routine question, added "Let him speak now or forever hold his peace." A woman spoke, "The groom is not a man," she said. Investigation followed. The groom explained that it was her custom to dress as a man, marry wealthy women, get their money.

Letter

"Now you mustn't read that," her mother would say, when Jane Gray picked up a newspaper, "that's too old for you." An obedient child, Jane Gray never learned that her father, Judd Gray, had been tried and executed for the murder of Albert Snyder. She was however informed that he was dead and that before his death he had written a series of letters one of which she would receive every year on her birthday. Last week, Jane Gray received the first of these letters. Newsgatherers wished to know its contents but Jane Gray refused to tell them. Whatever the letter said, it caused her to smile last week, on her eleventh birthday, as she read it.

Conradian Cat

Joseph Conrad's Nigger of the Narcissus tells of such a tempest as stirred the demons of the Pacific into an oceanic Walpurgisnacht off Central America last week. Two ships reached harbor safely at Balboa, Canal Zone. The freighter William A. McKenney lost a third mate, steward, carpenter, boatswain, six seamen, two cooks, the first and chief assistant engineers who were battening down tarpaulins and were caught in the abrupt rush of an enormous wave. Only seven of the crew survived. Also reminiscent of Conrad was the cat of the liner American Star, which reappeared, wan, mewing, after an absence of two perilous days.

Spark

In West Point, last week, at the garage of the U. S. Military Academy there was a fire which destroyed the limousine of Major General W. R. Smith and other government property to the value of $60,000. The fire was started by a spark which sprang from a soldier's hobnailed boot.

Fumigated

At Baltimore quarantine 16 stowaways cringed, and no less than 400 rats scuttled, in hidden places of the S. S. Steel Inventor, in last week from Brazil. Health inspectors were about to fumigate her. The crew fastened doors and hatches. All was quiet below. The boat rocked a little; chains scraped; water tattled against the hull. Then a sweetish odor came upon the hidden men, like the taste of peach stone kernels. Seven of them collapsed, limply, dead from the hydrocyanic acid gas used for the fumigation.

Burglars

In Paris, Auguste Moessner was sentenced to five years in jail for robbery. It had been his system, as a thief, to stick a note under the front door of such houses as he intended to enter; if the note was not taken in during the course of three days, Auguste Moessner, sure that the occupants were not at home, would pay his call.

So successful had Auguste Moessner been with this system, that he became rich. He visited all the best bars and restaurants in the city and often had tea with persons whose belongings he had previously appropriated. He was quite frequently spoken of as the best dressed man in Paris; indeed when they arrested him the police found 125 splendid suits of clothes hanging in his humble flat; and Auguste Moessner smoothing his hair, remarked, "Yes, my elegant appearance was my best protection."

In Newark, Dr. Abraham Friedland, a foolish dentist, sat in his garage until he was overcome by carbon monoxide gas. Attracted by the cries of his secretary, policemen, passing in a car, drove in but they were too ignorant to be of any help. With them in their car the policemen had two captured thieves who, straining in their handcuffs to do a good deed, pumped and wiggled the doctor until he began to breathe again.

In Manhattan, a Mrs. Elizabeth Uliano, junk dealer; her three daughters Helen Uliano, Mrs. Tessie Balletti and Mrs. Marie Giordano; her granddaughter Elsie Frontali, were all arrested and fined for scuttling through a department store like a pack of rats, stealing whatever they could lay their hands on.

In Coney Island, N. Y., one Ali Afgudiniali, a Hindu watchman, was robbed by three men. With two of them he fought bravely but when he saw that the third was a midget not more than a yard high with a huge horrible head and the hands of a pudgy baby, he tried to run away.

Last week, the police captured one of the men who had robbed and beaten Ali Afgudiniali. He was Max Sussar who gave his age as 20 and his height as 38 inches. Scowling and cursing, the little monstrosity was dragged into court where he dodged under a chair and remained hidden for 15 minutes. When hauled out Max Sussar claimed that he was "only the lookout" for his gang. Twisting his pitiful face into a look of rage, he sat in a chair, swinging his let's. "I like rye whiskey and women," he told reporters.

Aches

Off Castle Island, Panama, Lighthouse-keeper Hanna navigated a small boat flying the British ensign upside-down (sign of distress). Attacked by tooth and stomach aches, he had deserted his beacon, after swallowing all the medicine therein. The steamer Lilian Luckenbach sighted him, gave him ten pounds of assorted drugs. Thus medicated, Hanna resumed his post.