Women

In Detroit, Mich., Frank Kurtz, 72, read Schopenhauer on women, then vituperated and chased about the house Mrs. Frank Kurtz, 57. Said she in court: Schopenhauer was no fit reading for a 72-year-old husband. Said he: "There are as many ways to the heart of a woman as there are women in the world."

Wake

In Nashville, Tenn., seven Negresses started to hold a wake over a corpse. They knelt simultaneously to pray. The floor gave way; all seven and the corpse fell to the ground. They sued owners of the house for $3,000 apiece, Florence Young for loss of a gold tooth when her face was stepped on, Roberta Birdsong for injuries from sitting on a rusty nail, the others injuries to themselves and the corpse.

Will

In Birmingham, England, a retired manufacturer made his will, had a talking picture made of himself reading it, selected the friends & relations who will be invited to witness it after his death. Seating arrangements are planned so that his image on the screen will speak to each individually as if in real life. His speech will begin: "Now that I am dead, I claim the right to speak to you impartially. ..." He will point out faults and virtues of one & all, concluding: "And now, my dear nieces, nephews and friends, I will bore you no longer. ... To save unpleasant lawsuits my solicitors will now read you a will in similar terms which you will find drawn up, testified and witnessed in correct legal manner."

Pickle

In Atlantic City, N. J., David Thomas lost control of his automobile, drove it through the window of a delicatessen shop. The crash unseated him, hurled him head foremost into a barrel of pickles, submerged to the hips. He was fined $370 for driving while intoxicated.

Sleigh

When his sleigh upset, smashing its tail light, Fred Johnson of Brantford, Ont., drove on through the night, was arrested. Said the stern Canadian judge, fining Sleighrider Johnson $1 for driving without a tail light: "When your light was smashed you should have remained where upset until daylight."

Promise

In Brooklyn, Fred Stahlman was arrested for the sixth time, charged with petty larcency. The jury acquitted him. Said the judge: "You have been lucky. You have been arrested five times before and each time you have been freed. You've been acquitted today. Take my advice and conduct yourself so you will never be arrested again." Said Fred Stahlman: "I will never be arrested again." He walked out of court, dropped dead in the street.

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