Birdies

In La Jolla, Calif., Miss Betty W. Tuilers carefully addressed her golf ball, swung clean and vigorously. According to rule, she did not look up till a moment later; contrary to rule, she was startled to see her ball strike and kill two wild canary birds.

Mouse into Cow

In Salisbury, Md., a cat chased a mouse down a feed trough in which James Dashield's cow was munching. The mouse jumped into the cow's ear. The cow kicked away one side of James Dashield's bam.

Beggar

In Chicago, August Eichenberg sat on a sidewalk, his body distorted, his head drooping, his hat in his lap. Sympathetic passersby tossed him coins. Then a woman looked at his face, fainted. No beggar, August Eichenberg was a corpse, had dropped dead on his way home from work.

Bacchanalian

In Wichita, Kan., 102-year-old Mrs. Lucy Hatch pleaded with county commissioners that she might enter the poor farm, find refuge from the "mischievous ways" of her 70-year-old son, Harry. She told officials that he spent her money in "bacchanalian festivals and midnight parties."

Name

In Detroit, Mich., a young Jugoslav applied for naturalization papers, was asked his name. "It's Vazil Rasko Ferarrav-- wait, I'll spell it for you." he replied. He did: Ferarravoceincmooceuigearmodccoui. Choler

At Woodbridge, N. J., Joseph Chotosh, 22, drove his automobile out of his garage into a mudhole. It stuck. Chotosh's anger rose. He pushed, pulled, called his mother and sister to help, cursed, to no avail. Finally, unable to bear his own choler. Joseph Chotosh drew out a revolver and shot himself dead.

Burial

Dr. Francis Pearse of London bought an automobile 30 years ago. Until three years ago, he used the same car on his daily rounds, but then it failed him. Last week he said: "I have bought a plot of ground near a cemetery to give it a decent burial. I shall drive it through the city to the burial-ground where it will be broken up and interred."

Lotus

In Detroit young Bernard Lotus drank deep of stimulants, then climbed with his girl, into his automobile. During the next few moments he: drove over the curb and took the porch off a house, crumpling his fenders; raced a half block to a garage, drove in, offered to fight the garage-owner; chased his girl, who had then breathlessly departed, but failed to catch her; climbed Dack in his car, drove out of the garage and, speedily, into a parked car owned by one Fred Stoetzer; offered to fight about 50 men who gathered around the accident; offered to fight Stoetzer, followed him into lis home, wiped greasy hands and face on his coat; causing three separate riot reports to the police department. Said the judge: "Mr. Lotus, I believe you are the perfect drunk driver. You have left nothng undone."

Stop

At Los Angeles, Frank D. Lovett, 61, drove along a boulevard until halted by a red traffic sign marked STOP. When the green GO sign turned, Lovett's car regained stationary. He was dead.

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