"Names make news." Last week these names made this news:

Into a Montparnasse bar strode pear-shaped Paul Poiret, famed coutourier, wearing a light woolen jacket, black sash, Japanese peasant's hat. With him was Artist Guy Arnaud, Legion of Honor man. Two Englishwomen giggled at M. Poiret's costume. Offended for his friend. Artist Arnaud rebuked them: "Mesdames, you have insulted a genius." Up rose one James Clark, U. S. escort of the Englishwomen. "Monsieur," said he, "you have insulted two ladies." Legionnaire Arnaud challenged Clark to a duel with rapiers. Mr. Clark, demanding his right as the challenged party, stipulated fists. M. Arnaud replied that if Mr. Clark wished a vulgar brawl he would send his chauffeur to fight him. Mr. Clark hit M. Arnaud on the chin. Gendarmes separated the two. M. Poiret went home.

Her hair now honey-blonde because she was "tired of being a red-haired hussy all my life," Soprano Mary Garden, 55, arrived in the U. S. from Europe to sing Carmen in Cleveland this week. Said she, patting her middle: "Here I work like the devil getting this figure and then they always find some big fat blonde to point out as Mary Garden! ... I am at last heartbroken over a man. He is, alas, Andrea Spada. I have been in Corsica where he was a swashbuckling brigand and I loved him so much I named my dog after him."

When Funnyman Ed Wynn told radio listeners about the man who was denied an automobile driver's license because "he failed to stick out his hand -- with a five dollar bill," the New York Commissioner of Motor Vehicles took exception, got an apology.

Apparently "suffering illusions of grandeur; for instance the idea of leading the country back to prosperity," Edward Young Clarke, onetime Imperial Kleagle and chief organizer of the Ku Klux Klan, was committed to Chicago Psychopathic Hospital for examination. His commitment was requested by the executive board of Esskaye Inc., an organization founded by Promoter Clarke for which he proposed to enlist 2,000,000 members at $100 membership fees. Said Hospital Superintendent Francis J. Gerty six days later: "I find no evidence of psychosis or mental disease. This opinion is not official, and it will be necessary for several other alienists to submit their findings before Clarke's status is determined."

At Hermann, Mo. on the Missouri river a weather-beaten skiff pulled alongside the shiny government towboat Mark Twain aboard which Secretary of War Patrick Jay Hurley was inspecting inland waterways. Aboard the skiff was its owner, William ("Steamboat Bill") Hechmann, old-time river pilot. Observing an enormous fish lashing about at the end of a line astern the skiff, the Secretary shouted:

"Where did you get him?"

Replied "Steamboat Bill": "Out of the river. It's a catfish."

"I see it is but I can't believe it."

"I caught him for you. We eat 'em."

The Secretary invited "Steamboat Bill" aboard the towboat for dinner, had the 45-lb. catfish served for breakfast.

Lita Grey Chaplin, divorced wife of Film Comedian Charles Spencer Chaplin signed contracts with Fox Film Corp. for her sons Charles Spencer Jr., 7, and Sidney Earl ("Tommy"), 6, to appear with her in five pictures. Reputed fee for the first picture: $35,000.

Home in Hollywood from travels around the world Comedian Charles Spencer Chaplin unfolded a plan to relieve the Depression: "The Allied Committee on War Reparations has agreed it will receive from Germany about $35,000,000,000 in War reparations. But Germany says she cannot pay. Very well, then let the Allies make capital of this part of the agreement, and issue the amount that Germany owes them in international currency and pay themselves, each nation to be given her previously agreed share. This would be fiduciary currency guaranteed by the Allies to have the same par value as gold. Each nation could deposit in a central bank a bond equal to the value of her share of reparations. Should any nation attempt to discount this currency she would forfeit her bond. With the first allotment of this currency, each nation would agree to purchase silver. This silver would replace the original guarantee bond, which would be retired immediately, leaving the silver as a bond to function in its place. This money could be called 'Leagues,' with the identification of each Allied nation's stamp on it. Germany agreeing to pay the expense of launching this scheme, and recognizing this currency at gold par value, would then be released from her debt, without any disadvantage to the Allied countries."

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