The Crown

Mumps broke out among Their Majesties' sturdy Highland retainers at Balmoral Castle last week, caused Queen Mary to postpone abruptly the annual Royal Scottish Servants' Ball. Knowing how dangerous mumps can be to a full grown male, Her Majesty ordered all mumpsful Scottish gillies tucked promptly into bed.

George V, one of the best bird shots in his kingdom, escaped the mumps last week but had to stop shooting grouse when his rheumatic arm failed him, grew so weak that he could not raise his gun.

Sympathetic British editors were outraged when George V, Queen Mary and Edward of Wales were burlesqued at the tryout in Philadelphia of the new Sam Harris-Irving Berlin-Moss Hart "musical satire," As Thousands Cheer.

Philadelphians chortled as a chorus hoofer, picked for his amazing likeness to "Davy" (Edward of Wales), was heckled by imperious Helen Broderick as Queen Mary about amorous escapades on his South American tour which Her Majesty had picked up from Tabloid Tattler Walter Winchell. "Well, it was a nice moonlight night," stammered the hoofer. "... I remember we got to talking about Havelock Ellis and after that everything is blank." Meanwhile Leslie Adams as a too-stout George V leered, "I'll tell you what, Davy. We'll go to Bali--the Island of Bali--and stir up some good will there." Stiffly London papers reminded their readers that in Great Britain no member of the Royal Family, living or dead, can be portrayed on the stage. When London's News Chronicle telephoned Producer Harris in Philadelphia he snapped, "What's the matter with you people? . . . We just don't regard it as bad taste!" Theme song of As Thousands Cheer is an inflationist ditty "Uncle Sam Will be in Heaven when the Dollar goes to Hell."

George V's racing yacht Britannia finished up a season of 36 races last week with 24 new prize flags (twelve firsts, nine seconds, three thirds).

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