"Names make news." Last week these names made this news:

William Allen White, round, ebullient editor of the Emporia, Kans. Gazette, described a "concert" he had with Boston's William Henry Cardinal O'Connell on the Vulcania returning from Europe: "The Cardinal and I happened to be in the conservatory alone. I was plugging at the piano, and I happened to play the 'Hymn to the Evening Star.' Then the Cardinal played the 'Pilgrims' Chorus' from Tannhaeuser. Then it was my turn and I played 'Cavalleria Rusticana.' The Cardinal popped up and said he wanted to show me how it ought to be played, so he did. It was splendid. He has a good voice. He sang 'Marguerite' and 'Last Night the Nightingale Waked Me,' sort of humming them in a fine tenor voice. I didn't sing myself, but our piano contest was horse and horse, I should say."

Back from his annual vacation in the British Isles, John Pierpont Morgan received reporters and cameramen in his ship cabin, exhibited the new affability he acquired at the Senate Banking Committee Inquiry in Washington last Spring. Said he: "I was told when I left England that if I saw you men and posed for the photographers it would be a matter of only a few minutes and then everything would be all right. I believe now that it is true since I have done these things here. Yet I don't like it." Most of the newshawks' questions he answered with "I know nothing about it," but waxed enthusiastic about his vacation: "The grouse-shooting was wonderful. In Scotland you have the beautiful rolling heather-covered hills, with the passing sunlit clouds. I'm feeling wonderful, if that's any interest to you."

Washington friends of Professor Auguste Piccard, Swiss stratosphere expert, were startled when he stepped out of an airplane there with his cyclone of hair clipped in a standard U. S. haircut. He explained: "Lots of people always laughed at the one that I had before."

Vacationing in Paris, Chesley W. Jurney, Sergeant-at-Arms of the U. S. Senate, remarked that he would like to visit the French Senate, said that he also wanted some information for U. S. friends organizing a wine agency. Helpful Leon Douarche of the French Government's wine bureau introduced him to the Senate Wine Commission, several Senators from the wine regions. Next morning Paris newspapers front-paged Sergeant-at-Arms Jurney as the "Secretaire-General of the American Senate, who has been charged by his Government to establish an agency for the importation of French wines, which will begin functioning after the Prohibition law is repealed. . . ." Aghast, Sergeant-at-Arms Jurney hastened to explain his status: "What worries me most is that those Senators . . . may be also mixed up about who I am. . . . They gave me some fine sample bottles of wine, which I ought to return. . . ."

Governor Ruby Laffoon made a Kentucky Colonel of Mae West, professional voluptuary.* In the same batch he made a Colonel of Miss Betsy Helburn, graduate of the University of Kentucky, dietitian of The Bronx's Lebanon Hospital. Said Colonel West in Hollywood: "I guess he wants me to help him keep his troops under control. When do I get my uniform?"

* Some Laffoon colonels: Tom Mix, Jack Dempsey, Louis McHenry Howe, Graham McNamee, Richard Evelyn Byrd, Morton Downey, Bebe Daniels.

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