Husband

In Kansas City, saying, "Mother-in-law jokes annoy me; I like all my in-laws," Dr. Thomas Richmond took all his 26 kin by marriage on a two-week holiday trip to Colorado, all expenses paid, in an 18-passenger bus. two automobiles and a truck.

Said he of newspaper headlines. "My vacation trips never caused any excitement before but this year just because I brought my wife's relatives, you'd think it was the Lewis & Clark expedition playing a return engagement."

Lunch

In Mount Prospect, Ill., four brash bank bandits roared up to the Mount Prospect State Bank waving a machine gun, ran toward the door, read the sign on the doorhandle, "Out to lunch," raced back to their car and roared away.

Hunch

In Monte Carlo. Mrs. A. M. Sherwood, 65, of Los Angeles, Calif., had a hunch when she saw that her waiter's number was 13, scuttled for the Casino to play No. 13, slipped on a banana peel, broke her leg in two places.

Instructions

In Manhattan, searching a sidewalk ora- tor they had arrested, police found only a pamphlet, entitled What To Do When Under Arrest--One Cent, published by the radical International Labor Defense. What to do:

"Give no information to officers, only your name. Plead not guilty and demand a trial. Demand that the ILD defend you. Insist that you be let out on your own recognizance. If they refuse, demand that they set a low bail. Demand a copy of the complaint. Do not sign anything. Carry on the class fight in jail and in the courts."

The arrested man, peering now & then into the pamphlet, gave no information, gave his name as John H. Porter, telephoned the International Labor Defense, demanded a copy of the complaint, signed nothing. In Night Court he pleaded not guilty, insisted that he be let out on his own recognizance, was preparing to demand a low bail when the judge adjourned the case, released him on his own recognizance.

Caller

In Crugers, N. Y., in the black night, Burnett A. Ward, 40, railroadman, his wife and son were waked by a hammering at the door. Ward leaned out a window and saw a naked man. "What do you want?" Ward shouted. "I want food. I want a drink. I want cigarets," the madman shouted. "You ought to be ashamed of yourself," said Ward, "knocking at people's houses with no clothes on. Go and put on your clothes." "They're in the woods," the man screamed.

He ran around the house, found Ward's ax, ran on smashing flower pots, window panes, returned to the door and began chopping at it. Ward telephoned the Peekskill police who told him his house was out of their district, called the Cortlandt police who told him to try the state troopers at Hawthorne, 15 miles away, called the state troopers who sent a trooper. Ward got out his shotgun, loaded it, returned to the window. The naked man was still chopping at the door. Ward fired once over his head, the second time into the madman's body. On the way to the hospital, the man, still violent, shouted "Fitzgerald." Weaker he whispered "Fitzgerald" once more before he died. He was Morris Fitzgerald, 36, sometime convict and escaped inmate of an insane asylum, suffering with dementia praecox.

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