Bawl Street
Few publications reflect the temper of their communities more accurately than the Bawl Street Journal, annual parody of the sedate Wall Street Journal. Put out by the Bond Club of New York in connection with its annual field day, the Bawl Street Journal is edited by John A. Straley, a literate, sardonic Wall Streeter who is now advertising manager for Lord, Abbett & Co., investment dealers. Last week, while the Bond Club was frolicking in Sleepy Hollow, N. Y., more than 10,000 people paid 50-c- per copy to read the contributions Editor Straley had accepted for his "Stage Money Edition."
"LAST SURPLUS GOES TO SMITHSONIAN," read a streamer headline. "Weather: Friday, probably followed by Saturday." Lead story concerned a Federal resettlement project. "Twelve hundred inhabitants of Alaska's Yukon Valley, discouraged by the failure of gold mines in the vicinity, yesterday arrived in New York City and began colonizing the vast wastes of the Empire State Building," related the Bawl Street Journal. "By nine o'clock last night all the pioneers had staked out claims on the plateau-like stretches between the fortieth and eightieth parallel. Little watch fires gleamed in hundreds of windows while hungry bond and insurance salesmen prowled below on Fifth Avenue, snarling and pointing menacingly at the clifflike structure."
Another front-page story, jesting at Mayor Fiorello LaGuardia's plans for a New York City municipal power plant, reported that Consolidated Edison was about to turn the tables by founding a "yardstick" city to be "colonized and owned by the company's stockholders, who hope to offset the losses from New York City's competition in the utility field by the saving in taxes resulting from operating their own city."
A large part of the Bawl Street Journal was devoted to fabulous Washington doings. After five hours of questioning Secretary of the Treasury Morgenthau had admitted investing all available Government funds in common stocks while the Administration boosted business at every turn. "Wrecksford" Tugwell had suggested selling short and continuing present policies but had been overruled.
Using its constitutional right to fix standards of weight & measure, Congress changed the year from 365 days to 1,000, thus dispensing with elections for a long time. The tax year, however, was reduced to 200 days. Gaily oblivious to its other stories on the Treasury, the Bawl Street Journal also declared that Secretary Morgenthau hoped to balance the budget by having the Government pay a 50% income tax on its own income. "Certainly a 50% increase in income will silence all our critics," Mr. Morgenthau was reported as saying. "True, there may be loopholes where an unscrupulous Government might find ways to avoid paying taxes to itself, but I expect to watch myself very closely."
A $1,000,000 issue of City of Philadelphia "Recovery" Bonds was offered in an advertisment "approved by the SEC, DAR and GOP." Purpose of the issue was to finance "rehabilitation of the devastated Philadelphia area after the Democratic National Convention." Philadelphia was also to get a $3,000,000 WPA allotment "for harnessing the tides of oratory" at the Convention, with an involved contraption expected to provide enough power to "burn up 150,000 Republicans." It was called the "Passadasugar Project."
The Bawl Street Journal did not confine itself to politics. At a meeting of Iowa Bankers' Association all delegates were given keys to the city of Des Moines "but locks were changed immediately after presentation." Lee Higginson Corp., offshoot of the old firm that banked on Ivar Kreuger, advertised: "MURALS, MARBLE, MOSAIC--you are cordially invited to visit our office." A footnote explained that the office was "open for business." Another advertisement: "Underbidders and General Disturbers--Morgan Stanley & Co. Inc.--Founded on the rocks of Morgan, 2 Bawl Street, RElated 2-J.P."
A Brown Harriman & Co. advertisement offered to refund old bond issues with "sweet, streamlined 2 1/2's . . . 1937 conversion features with hindsight preventers sell our issues like fried cakes." R. W. Pressprich & Co. suggested: ''We'll take the gold out of your teeth and put silver in your hair." New York Central R. R.: "We take pleasure in announcing that both our tracks and our securities are again above water."
Sample from the "Inquiring Investor" column: Why do newspaper advertisements of new bond issues state that "this is not an offering" and that the offering is made only through ''the prospectus?" What is the distinction--Cora Cuddle. "What you read in the papers is only a brief for the defense. The prospectus is a signed confession." Samples from the "What! No news?" column: "
Dividends--Chairman Sewell Avery of Montgomery Ward told stockholders at the annual meeting that an increased dividend is desirable, but so is world peace and Mae West.
"Senateenator Robert La Follette (R., Wis.) advocated the single-tax plan in a fiery speech before the Senate today. 'Instead of asking Congress for a special tax here and a special tax there, the President should put all his begs in one askit.' "
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