For Kissers, Death

The next woman who tries to dart through Adolf Hitler's special guards and kiss Der Führer, as powerful Mrs. Carla George de Vries of Norwalk, Calif, did fortnight ago, may very well be shot down in her tracks, according to last week's Berlin dispatches. For their failure to halt the first woman who has publicly kissed Herr Hitler on the mouth since he became Chancellor three years ago, several of the Dictator's hulking Schutzstaffel guards were dismissed in disgrace last week, several more were demoted in rank and the number of Der Führer's guards was ordered doubled for all his future public appearances.

As pictures of the California Kisser in action at the German Olympics reached the U. S. (see cuts) all German newsorgans were prevented by the Ministry of Propaganda & Public Enlightenment from so much as mentioning that last week Jewish-blooded Captain Wolfgang Fuerstner, the Army officer responsible for construction of Berlin's excellent Olympic Village, had blown out his brains. Non-Aryan Captain Fuerstner had hoped in vain that, as a reward for his work for the Olympics, he would be permitted to retain his Army rank, something now denied in Germany to all non-Aryans.

When foreign correspondents first heard rumors of the suicide, they were firmly told that Captain Fuerstner had been killed in a motoring accident. Later his suicide was admitted, greatly depressing Jews in Germany, who inclined to credit rumors that, the Olympics being over, the Nazis' next move will be to confiscate all real estate in Germany owned by Jews and purchased since 1914 on the ground that "they must have bought it with the fruits of War profiteering."

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