Disobedient Herbert

Great sport was made in the House of Commons last week by humorist A. P. Herbert, M. P. of the Population Bill introduced by Minister of Health Sir Kingsley Wood. According to Sir Kingsley, one of the "Big Six" of the Cabinet (Chamberlain, Hoare, Simon, Hailsham, Inskip & Wood), the United Kingdom is ceasing at such an alarming rate to bear children that its population will have dropped from 44,000,000 to 5,000,000 in 100 years.

"I think I have ceased to breed!" announced Humorist Herbert, 47, father of four. "But no one is going to ask me about that. The questions which census agents are to ask from door to door under this Nosey Parker bill are an insult to the nation's women!"

MrMr. Herbert, famed for his verse contributions to Punch, next delighted the House with these especially written lines:

They pulled down all the houses where the children used to crowd,

And built expensive blocks and flats where children weren't allowed,

And if the father got a job there wasn't anywhere to dwell

And everybody wondered why the population fell!

Abroad to show that everyone was passionate for peace,

All children under seven joined army or police.

The babies studied musketry while mother filled a shell--

And everybody wondered why the population fell!

The world, in short, which never was extravagantly sane

Developed all signs of inflammation of the brain,

The past was not encouraging, the future none could tell,

But the minister still wondered why the population fell!

The best way to stimulate a British husband and wife to breed, Humorist Herbert gravely advised, is for His Majesty's Government to provide likely couples with free holidays at the seaside. This drew guffaws, but dapper, dynamic Sir Kingsley Wood easily shoved his bill through second reading 197-to-125. To get the statistics wanted by the Ministry of Health, he declared, is now "a matter too urgent to await the census of 1941," and within a few weeks British housewives will either be slamming their doors against Nosey Parkers or taking these Ministry of Health bell-pushers into their parlors and their confidence.

British editors, rallying to potent Sir Kingsley Wood, rebuked Humorist Herbert for "misrepresentations," "distortion" and "questionable levity." He replied with a letter to the London Times, arguing: "If more plain language were used, there would be less bad legislation. It shocks no one to [have the Government census taker] say 'Other issue and marriage condition of father and mother where the father of the child is a person other than present or a former spouse?' But what this means in plain language is: 1) 'Have you had any other illegitimate children?' 2) 'Are you married--that is, have you committed adultery?' 3) 'Has the father committed adultery?'

"I am sir your servant, but regretfully not so obedient as usual."

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