Said Vegetarian George Bernard Shaw, 82: "When I am dead my funeral will be followed by herds of oxen, sheep, swine, flocks of poultry, and a small traveling menagerie of live fish, all wearing white scarves in honour of the man who perished rather than eat his fellow creatures."

Twenty-one years ago a red-headed giant from the Tennessee mountains named Alvin Cullum York singlehanded killed 20 German soldiers, captured 132 more with a squad of seven men, returned to rugged Fentress County as No. 1 U. S. war hero. Last week Sergeant York, fat, arthritic and peace-loving, visited San Francisco's Golden Gate Fair, confessed: "I don't know what the last war was about."

British Labor's newspaper, the London Daily Herald, reported Rumania's smooth-cheeked Foreign Minister Grigore Gafencu forgot his umbrella while calling on the Greek Patriarch at Istanbul, hastily sent a man back to fetch it, exclaimed in consternation: "What is a diplomat without his umbrella?"

When fun-loving, beer-bibbing, golf-playing Prince Fumitaka ("Butch") Konoye, 24, flunked out of Princeton (TIME, March 6), he expected to get what-for from his father, former Japanese Premier Fumimaro Konoye. The family's "face" was saved when Butch was appointed Dean of Japanese-sponsored Tung-wen College in Shanghai's French Concession. Last week, with flying colors, Butch passed an examination given by a conscription board and was admitted to the Japanese army.

In Cambridge, Mass. Councilman Michael A. Sullivan told the city council that Harvard Square (named after John Harvard who sailed into Massachusetts Bay in 1637 and willed his library to the college when he died in Charlestown, Mass, in 1698) should be changed to Washington Square. His reason: "[John Harvard] was just another foreigner who never set foot in this country."

When Boston's burly, tiger-hunting, spade-bearded Republican Representative George Holden Tinkham rose to speak in the House for the first time in half a dozen years he was saddened by a new kind of heckling. Again & again as he warmed to his theme (neutrality), and strode dramatically across the rostrum, his choicest passages were drowned by shouts of "Mike! Mike!" Finally he grabbed the microphone with both hands as if it were a python that he was about to strangle and bellowed the rest of his message at it. Afterward he groused: "These damned microphones! They talk back to you--just like a Democrat."

Vir lepidissime, facetissime, venustissime, jocosissime, ridibundissime, te cum turba tua Leporum Facetiarum Venustatum locorum Risuum, ego . . . admitto ad gradum Doctoris in Litteris honoris causa,* said George Stuart Gordon, Vice-Chancellor of the University of Oxford to P. (for Pelham) G. (for Grenville) Wodehouse.

Planning to raise cash for Spain by staging bullfights in the U. S. and other nations, Matador Marcial Lalanda, president of Spain's Bull Fighters' Syndicate, announced: "We are going to give them [the horses] morphine so that they will not suffer even if they are gored by the bulls. People in the United States who like rodeos should like our bullfights."

-*"O Sir, of all men most polished, facetious, graceful, whimsical and uproarious, I hereby admit you and your whole crowd of ditto creations to the degree of honorary Doctor of Letters."

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