Sailing for Scotland on his annual grouse-shooting junket, cob-nosed John Pierpont Morgan groused: "If they start war, certainly my shooting will be interrupted, because everybody would rush off to do what they'd have to do and I wouldn't have anybody with me." Also sailing was the President's mother, Mrs. James Roosevelt. To the question of the hour she replied: "I don't know. I suppose so. But if it does come I'll live through it. And if not--"

In Bydgoszcz, a Polish industrial city, indignant burghers started a lawsuit to establish the Polishness of 16th Century Astronomer Nicolaus Copernicus, whom Nazi historians now claim as a German.*

Because the late Financier Otto Herman Kahn's 86-room castle in Cold Spring Harbor, L. I. was too big for most present-day buyers' boots, the splendiferous estate went for a song ($100,000) to New York City's Department of Sanitation. Last week, renamed Sanita Lodge, it was thrown open to 22,000 street cleaners on vacation.

On the first tee of a Southampton, L. I. golf links, former Governor Alfred Emanuel Smith, whose form is picturesque, took a vicious swipe at the ball, missed, sprained his left foot.

At the Hyannis Port, Mass, summer cottage of Joseph Patrick Kennedy, U. S. Ambassador to Great Britain, five terns took turns lunging at members of the household. Mrs. Kennedy and her father took to wearing wastepaper baskets over their heads.

After searching through his violent, labyrinthine books, the family of late Novelist Thomas Wolfe culled an epitaph for his Asheville, N. C. tombstone from his posthumous novel The Web and the Rock: "Death bent to touch his chosen son with mercy, love and pity, and put the seal of honor on him when he died."

Scalawaggy, 3-year-old Prince Edward, son of the Duke and Duchess of Kent, who had to be removed from the balcony at Buckingham Palace when he tried to heave a pillow over, last week raised another ruckus. When his parents left for the wedding of Princess Irene of Greece and the Duke of Spoleto in Florence, he wanted to go too, had to be respectfully carried back into the palace by a footman.

Convalescing in a Manhattan hospital from near-fatal peritonitis, popular ex-Fisticuffer William Harrison ("Jack") Dempsey was snowed under by more than 2,000 telegrams, visited by Governor Herbert Henry Lehman, roundly bussed by Daughters Barbara and Rose.

As a squall struck Lake Couchiching near his summer home, capsizing a canoeist, Humorist Stephen Leacock set out to the rescue in his motor launch with Caretaker Jack Kelly & Mrs. Kelly. As the launch pulled away from the dock, Mrs. Kelly fainted. Dr. Leacock put back to the dock and Mrs. Kelly came to. Once more Dr. Leacock set forth to the rescue. Once more Mrs. Kelly swooned. After putting her ashore once & for all, Humorist Leacock reached the half-drowned canoeist hauled him aboard.

*Says the Encyclopaedia Britannica: "Copernicus or Koppernigk, Nicolaus (1473-1543), Polish astronomer, was born on Feb. 19, 1473, at Thorn in Prussian Poland, where his father, a native of Cracow, had settled as a wholesale trader."

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.