"Break It Up, Boys!"

At the head of Harvard's gowned seniors as they parade by John Harvard's statue in the Yard each commencement marches a solemn, gimlet-eyed figure, blocking off photographers' lenses from the graduating class. It is Charles Robert ("Colonel Charlie") Apted, Harvard's head "Yard cop." Charlie dearly loves to march in this parade: He also loves Harvard. Last week was one of mixed emotions for Charlie Apted. In Harvard's paneled old Memorial Hall 600 Harvardmen dined & wined him, the Harvard Glee Club sang Behold the Lord High Executioner and photographers' lenses blinked again & again as Colonel Apted announced that he would retire in July, after 38 years as a campus character.

The diners heard many an Apted legend, heard that he was writing his memoirs. An acknowledged authority on Harvard pranks, he likes to remark: "The world would be surprised if they knew, as I do, the various stunts pulled at Harvard by some of the biggest men in the country." Colonel Apted has a telephone and a cashbox beside his bed, is accustomed to getting up at all hours to bail out Harvard tosspots. When a socialite is arrested, Colonel Apted always takes along an overcoat to shield the boy from photographers. He lends Harvard men money, takes care of their parking tickets, runs their blackmailing floozies out of town.

Recalled last week were Colonel Apted's biggest exploits: the time he recovered Massachusetts' Sacred Cod, stolen from the State House; the time he produced Handsome Dan, bulldog mascot stolen from Yale; the time he picked up a bomb and foiled an attempt to blow up Harvard's old Yard pump.

"One night, I remember," reminisced Colonel Apted, "back in them horse-and-buggy days, they took a smart aleck up into 29-30 Weld Hall and tied him up to the ceiling like a picture--by his thumbs. They let his toes just touch the window sill so he could give an occasional little jump to release the pressure. He was jumping pretty fast and howling like hell when we got there."

Famed is Colonel Apted's stern "Break it up, boys!" Famed also are some of his great & good friends: Felix Frankfurter, Joseph Kennedy, Robert Benchley, Franklin Delano Roosevelt and "all his damn kids."

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