Protection. In Closter, N.J., after his birthday party, attended by a large number of police chiefs and detectives, Sheriff William R. Browne found someone had stolen two silver candlesticks, his birthday gift.

Disillusion. In Manhattan, a three-year survey of the sophomore psyche proved the average Columbia sophomore felt the reality of campus life compared unfavorably with the movie version.

Chair. In Pine Plains, N.Y., Fordham Botany Professor William J. Bonisteel, immune to ivy poisoning, reserved his favorite chair perpetually by ringing it 'round with a poison ivy patch.

Shrinkage. In a French town half in, half out of the German-occupied zone, Nazi sentries began paying more attention to funeral processions bound for the freezone cemetery, after discovering more mourners were going than coming.

Etiquette. In Boston, Mass., Mrs. Hazel Barber, 46, cafe entertainer, confessed slaying her boy friend, 56, because he wouldn't kiss her good-by when he was leaving her for good.

Triangle. In West Palm Beach, Fla., Mrs. Elizabeth Barnard of Surrey, England, answering her husband's divorce charge that she had not seen or written him, cited the "machinations, generally unsocial conduct, and aggressive attitude of a third party, one Adolf Hitler."

Service. In Richmond, Calif., an ambulance answered a false report of a railroad crossing accident, was just leaving when a train came along and banged a truck.

Aerial Survey. In Hertfordshire, England, the leader of an outdoor nudist colony said all the followers had got used to the R.A.F.'s low-altitude reconnaissance flights, hoped the R.A.F. would get used to the followers sometime.

Delivery. In Muskegon, Mich., Charlie Chin smelled an odor unlike a wet washing, scampered to the basement of his laundry, found himself knee deep in 1,600 gallons of fuel oil that a confused truckman had piped in.

Surprise. In Maryville, Mo., Mayor I. B. Campbell and two new councilmen settled down after election for two years of public service, were surprised to discover that they had been elected for four years.

Defense. In Akron, Ohio, a man on trial for intoxication heard the officer testify the defendant's eyes were bloodshot, defended himself by extracting a glass one, got probation.

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.