Hollywood Heckled

Soloist: This is a movie primer.

Quartet: Fa la, fa la, fa la. . . .

Soloist: Degree by degree,

From A to Z,

Our Primer will prim

The movie industry!

Quartet: The moo-hoo-vie industry!

With these impudent lines, neatly punctuated by music, upstart radio last week poked Hollywood in the nose. The sock was sharply delivered by U.S. radio's foremost writer-producer-innovator, Norman Corwin, who deserted radio eight months ago for the alabaster mines of Hollywood. Now back in the fold (CBS, 10 p.m. Tues., E.W.T.) with his salary doubled ($500 weekly), Corwin, who is responsible for much of U.S. radio's adult fare (Words Without Music, We Hold These Truths, My Client Curley, An American in England, The Odyssey of Runyon Jones), was off on a fresh 26-program series.

His first offering was edgy satire indeed. Excerpts from the alphabetical primer:

"A Stands for Ads. What are ads? Movie ads are tempting and alluring advertisements which entice you not to miss the pictures they are advertising, but in spite of which people go to see the pictures anyway. . . . The most gifted ad-writer of them all was Magnum J. Naphtha. . . .

Naphtha (singing):

"Oh, John Q. Public is a ten-year-old

With the brains of a backward fly.

So knock him cold with a caption bold

And a shapely leg for his eye.

Tell him he'll want to laugh and cry

Tell him he'll cheer and hiss.

But whatever you tell him, tell him this:

It's a picture you can't afford to miss!

"H Stands for Hays Office. What is the Hays Office? The Hays Office is the office that saves you from being corrupted by any and all sin in the cinema. . . . There is a pledge of honor. . . . This oath is usually sung by the novitiate with the assistance of a massed choir. Novit:

"The races must not mingle;

Entendre must be single.

Our fiber will be better

If no girl wears a sweater.

And if a kiss has too much mash,

IT SHALL--NOT--PASH!

"O Stands for Ostrich Studio. What is an ostrich studio? An ostrich studio is a studio which believes social problems should never be taken up by movies, and there's nothing like good old entertainment, is there? Refrain:

"Let nothing interfere with your enjoyment.

We'll waltz our way through war and unemployment.

We're specialists in joy

And Girl Meets Boy.

We manufacture syrup

To cheer up

Your blues--

Have you got those

Need -a -vacation -from -the world-situation

Blues?

0, those blues! . . ."

Corwin forsook his $2,000-a-week Hollywood salary from Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer because he felt no "burning compulsion" to write what they offered him. CBS, which never had anyone to compare with him, welcomed him back with open pocketbook. They gave him the Tuesday night spot opposite Bob Hope (the best of the unsold time available), and wished him well.

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