Sanitary Clauses. In Newark, Health Officer Charles V. Craster announced that an inspector-Santa Claus would snoop around to make sure that other Santas obeyed health rules: 1) no kissing children; 2) no wiping noses on gloves; 3) no dirty beards.

Early Bird. In Atlanta, Mrs. Pauline Scott hurried to her new job, got there ten minutes early, in time to be hit by the falling, 7-lb. minute hand of a clock, went to the hospital with a broken collar bone.

Laundry Bag. In Los Angeles, a clothes line thief snatched 25 pairs of pink panties in one week.

Decisive Step. In Milton, Fla., councilmen arguing over a rat-catching program abruptly approved it when a large rat ran around the council table.

Can You Beat That? In Houston, the District Attorney's office told a hopeful Negro applicant there was no such thing as a "Beat-Your-Wife Permit."

Ceiling Zero. In Indianapolis, a woman thought her lawyer's fees too high, asked OPA if there were a ceiling price on divorce.

Unbearable Tenant. In Clinton, Tenn., a landlord asked OPA for permission to evict a 300-lb. tenant before she caved in his new porch.

Justice of the Peace. In Des Moines, a patron charged with disturbing the peace at the Covered Wagon nightclub was freed by a judge on the ground there was no peace in the club to disturb.

Frisky Business. In Denver, Patrolman William Church searched a drunk's pockets, got nipped by a mousetrap.

Repeat Performance. In Covington, Ky., police charged that Robert Thompson 1) parked a stolen car, 2) watched them find it and put it in a garage, 3) stole it again.

It Takes a Heap o' Livin'. In Akron, Earl Hartung & family had to evict the squawking tenants before moving into the only place they could rent: a chicken coop.

Occupational Hazards. In Chicago, two gunmen demanded the day's receipts from Theater Cashier Helen Tindle, hurried away when she replied, "No."

Taker. In Louisville, a burglar took at its word the Guaranty Finance Company's window ad: "We Have the Money, Come and Get It."

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.