Many Happy Returns. In Montreal, a holiday-bemused printer mixed up his plates, superimposed on income-tax forms a picture of a kewpie doll and the caption: "Happy Easter, Sweetheart."

Home off the Range. In Los Angeles, Airport Manager Dean Daly took a prospective tenant to inspect a house on his property, found that it had been stolen.

Individual Portion. In Chicago, Mrs. Herman Stoeckel separated from her husband, squabbled with him over division of property, convinced the court that she should have sole custody of a half-pound of butter, nine pounds of sugar.

Druggist Addict. In Cambridge, Mass., a wounded veteran apologetically held up Druggist Gustaf Johnson for the third time (total take: $660), promised it would be the last, explained: "I'm being transferred to another hospital."

Patience, Please. In Wabash, Ind., Judge Homer T. Showalter, because he had only enough pages left in his court docket for two days' business, urged the public to avoid law-breaking until a new docket came from the printers.

Double Indenture. In Atlanta, a serviceman, asked for identification, pulled out his upper denture, exhibited name, rank, serial number, blood type and religion engraved on the shiny red roof.

Walking PX. In Sendai, Japan, officials charged baggageless Shoji Nishimoto with illegal possession of U.S. goods when they found cached on his person: one extra pair of trousers, two shirts, one sweater, one mackinaw, one mirror, one bath towel, a complete shaving set, one Navy flashlight, twelve packs of cigarets, 28 cans, packages and bars of candy and food.

Git Along. In San Diego, a discouraged broncobuster advertised for sale a "Western saddle, bridle, blanket and halter; rope, block and tackle, wheel chair."

Cleanup. In Bayport, N.Y., Burton J. Downer cleaned out his attic, left some old clothes on the doorstep for the junkman, days later got them back from the laundry with a $9.54 cleaning bill.

False Alarm. In Baia, Brazil, Sightseer Erich Steinberg, visiting St. Francis' Church, yanked an innocent-looking handle, started the church bell ringing, called out a long line of monks for unscheduled choir practice.

So Sorry. In Manila, U.S. Army Prisoner Enrique Jikiti Ymamura, head of the Japanese Army's public assistance and liaison office during the occupation, hopefully filed a petition for Filipino citizenship.

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