Ceiling Unlimited. In South Orange, N.J., Judge J. S. Magee boosted traffic fines from $5 to $7, was asked why, quipped: "No more OPA."

Artificial Inspiration. In Chicago, Benjamin Bauer thought he saw a big white cat drowning in Lake. Michigan, jumped in to rescue it, yelled for help, explained after his own rescue that he had forgotten he couldn't swim, was arrested for disorderly conduct.

Bedside Manners. In Pittsburgh, Mrs. Vernie Fulton sued for divorce, complained that while she was sick her husband had: i) sent an undertaker to see her; 2) ordered funeral wreaths.

Duel Control. In Paris, Jean d'Asparbes and Rene Gaillard dueled ferociously for 15 minutes, finally appeared to cut each other's arms, later confessed that the blood oozing from their wounds was ketchup applied by face-saving seconds.

Traffic Jam. In Tempe, Ariz., Scott Whitcock tied his horse to a hitching rack, left it there too long, came back to find a parking ticket tied to the saddle horn.

Banana Split. In tropical Costa Rica, the U.S. embassy staff got from Washington a Department of Commerce questionnaire on local prospects for snowshoe sales.

Out of the Money. In Columbus, Ohio, a race horse named Depression was auctioned to meet his unpaid feed bill.

Mobile Unit. In Kansas City, Traffic Cop John R. Duncan watched agape as a motorist drove through a busy intersection while shaving with a battery-driven electric razor.

Proper Name. In Honolulu, John Wahinehookae (Hawaiian for woman-hater) set fire to an apartment house, later explained that his ex-wife lived there and he was mad at her.

Crushing Blow. In Denver, when a man annoyed tiny Dolores Smith, she knocked him cold with a right uppercut, then, learning that she had broken her hand, fainted.

Exemplary Misconduct. In Brockton, Mass., Mrs. Bessie P. Wixon, author of a book called Be Proud of Women, pleaded guilty to stealing $30,000 from the local women's club.

Try, Try Again. In Manhattan, Charles Vogel leaped from the 86th floor of the Empire State Building, crashed on a terrace one floor below, crawled over the parapet and plummeted (this time successfully) to the 30th floor.

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.