Habeas Corpus. In San Francisco, a thief stole a car, drove it 18 blocks, abruptly abandoned it when he found that he had a coroner's wagon plus corpse.

Profit & Loss. In Hollywood, police got word that David Posada's car had been stolen, with $1,500 in it. They started a search, soon located the car, found $2,504 scattered on the floor.

Glass Crutch. In Fairbanks, Alaska, a man on crutches hobbled into Hill's cocktail bar, finished two drinks, walked briskly out the door, leaving the crutches behind.

Strip Polka. In Louisville, Paul Johnston left his clubhouse late at night, started home, got slugged, awoke several hours later in a polka-dot dress.

Double Indemnity. In Colorado Springs, Olive Mae Mulica fell down a manhole, suffered minor injuries, refused to sue, asked only for a new pair of nylons.

Out of Line. In Detroit, Thomas Oliver, charged with threatening to bump 1946 model cars with his ancient jalopy, explained: "I hate people who own new cars."

Sprat Spat. In Washington, Mr. & Mrs. John Wesley sat down to their first roast pork in weeks, quarreled over who should get the first slice, had at each other with carving knives, ended up in the hospital.

Counter Demand. In Chillicothe, Mo., a clerk in a haberdashery told Customer Wilbur Dunnington that he was "all out of shirts," offered to buy Wilbur's.

Time to Retire. In Cleveland, an auto sales company advertised a 1917 Winton sedan for $250, got five prospects.

Professional Courtesy. In Decatur, Ill., a purse snatcher politely opened the car door for Mrs. Homer Neal, took her purse, counted its contents, found less than $1. returned everything, tipped his hat, walked away.

Lullaby. In Kansas City, police, summoned by irate neighbors kept awake by a parked car's blaring radio, rushed to the car. found Owner Waldo Wilson sound asleep inside.

Egged On. In Brooklyn, Magistrate Henry Soffer took up the case of four men who had smashed 3,600 eggs in a fight, learned that the arresting officer's name was Eggolt, said brightly: "This is certainly a scrambled mess." Cracked the defense attorney: "That's no yolk."

Last Straw. In Boonville, Mo., Herman Boggs spotted a life preserver in the river, went after it, drowned.

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