Bedfellow. In Des Moines, Mrs, Pearl Price sued for divorce, complained that Husband John, although in perfect health, had gone to bed seven years before, was still there.

Graduation Exercise. In Grand Rapids, Marjorie Baker, 13, married a 23-year-old ex-convict, explained why: "I just couldn't stand the thought of going through seventh grade again."

Opposition Party. In Denver, Mrs. Julia Peterson, arrested for throwing stones through windows of the strikebound May Co. department store, denied that she had anything to do with the strike, explained: "I'm just against Colorado and everything and everybody in it."

Holiday Inn. In Washington, D.C., Samuel Goodman, 59, staggered into jail, reported himself drunk, asked to be locked up. Reason: the jail had fed him so well at Thanksgiving that he wanted to be there for Christmas.

Ars Poetica. In The Bronx, Alan Siegel, summoned for smoking in a subway, defended himself in eight stanzas of wretched doggerel, got punishment to fit both crimes. The magistrate's decision: "Your poem is fine, it's quite a line. Next time heed 'No Smoking' sign. The verdict is $2 fine."

Upshot. In Danville, Ill., a farmer's wife was cleaning out her husband's pockets when a shotgun shell fell out, dropped on a heater, shot her in the hand.

Season's Greetings. In New Britain, Conn., a five-year-old boy took a poke at a department-store Santa Claus, explained to his horrified mother: "He didn't bring me the bicycle he promised me last year."

Doubting Thomas. In Philadelphia, Thomas Quigley, told that he had inherited $4,000 from a long-forgotten aunt, refused to go to Newark, N.J. to get it, said, "It's all a gag."

Gold Tipped. In London, ambitious thieves raided the Tower of London, traditional repository of Britain's crown jewels, found none (their whereabouts is still a Government secret), took the guards' supply of cigarets.

Diggers' Mite. In Clayton, Okla., burglars laboriously tunneled into the Clayton State Bank's vault, made off with several sacks of money. Contents: 33,300 pennies.

Cut Up. In Denver, Don Gallegos watched his wife scrape off fingernail polish with a paring knife, said, "I bet you're afraid to stick me," ended up with a deep gash across his chest.

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.