Road Hog. In Baekke, Denmark, a befuddled autoist honked impatiently behind an auto wrecker that hogged the road for 12 1/2 miles, later protested angrily to the salvage company, learned to his chagrin that he was the drunk the wrecker had been towing home.

Spoilsport. In Raleigh, N.C., the state legislature pondered a bill that would prohibit the use of dynamite for entertainment purposes in fun-loving Bertie County.

Depreciation. In Washington, the U.S. Treasury solemnly announced that exactly $2,876,275 worth of two-dollar bills are in circulation. Airy official explanation of the fact that this number is indivisible by two: half of one of the bills must be missing.

What of the Night? In Elveden, England, watchless Night Watchman Ian Jamieson was fined -L-i ($4) for phoning random numbers during the small hours of the morning to ask the time.

Fowl Play. In Upper Sandusky, Ohio, Willis Mann heard suspicious noises in his chicken coop, grabbed his shotgun, stumbled over his coon dog, let go with both barrels. Score: 26 dead hens.

For Remembrance. In Oakland, Calif., a tavern prowler plunged through a rosemary hedge and eluded his pursuers, was collared two blocks away when a cop sniffed the rosemary scent on his clothes.

Security. In Tokyo, a, 24-year-old girl confessed to murder, later admitted that she had lied because she preferred "well-ordered prison life to freedom in the uncertain postwar world."

Slaker. In Elmira, N.Y., thirsty Merrill E. Whiting looked around the house for something to drink, found, downed --and survived -- a mixture of turpentine, varnish remover, lighter fluid, camphor, shaving lotion.

Thoughtful Hostess. In San Diego, Herman Vanderheyden, accepting his wife's invitation to a reconciliation party after a ^1 3-year separation, was greeted by two specially invited guests: deputy sheriffs who clapped him in jail on a non-support complaint.

Quick Students. In Chicago, Mrs. Harriet Vienne and son, Albert, signed up to train for FBI jobs, soon learned enough to turn in their ex-convict instructor for impersonating a federal agent.

Personal Taste. In Detroit, a judge said it was all right-- legally-- if Mrs. Grayce Milton wanted to do her shopping with Nokomis, a six-foot pet king snake, coiled around her body.

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