Foul! In Cambridge, Mass., a would-be policeman flunked his physical when examiners found that he had raised his height to the required 5 ft. 6 in. by plastering his long hair back over half a coconut shell.

Show-Offs. In Indianapolis, Herman Barry and Leo DeHaven were arrested carrying off a red-hot stove.

News. In Freehold, N.J., valiant humans fought their way through snowdrifts to the rescue of a stranded Saint Bernard.

Faith. In Paris, a divorce was granted to a woman who testified that her 39-year-old husband who had had a "sheltered childhood," never gave her any Christmas presents because he believed that Santa Claus would provide.

Girl Trouble. In Palo Alto, Calif., 100-lb. Mrs. Velma O'Day, angered by policemen who were questioning her, sent three to the hospital by kicking one of them, breaking another's rib, jabbing a cigarette in the third one's eye. In Pittsburgh, Nathaniel Evans won a divorce after he testified that his wife had threatened him (with a souvenir pistol), stabbed him (with a souvenir bayonet), and struck him (with a miniature Statue of Liberty).

Reminder. In Portland, Ore., Mr. & Mrs. Roger Clark were saved from a plunge over a 50-ft. embankment when their car struck a sign: "Drive carefully and avoid accidents."

Mr. & Mrs. In Miami, when police arrested E. Manuel Berman for stealing 100 pairs of panties from a lingerie shop, he declared that it was all his wife's fault: "I'm glad I got caught. No telling what she'd have made me do next."

The Lonely Heart. In Windsor, Vt., Prisoner Harry Priest asked the warden please to delay his forthcoming release two weeks: he wanted to appear in the prison minstrel show. In Stanton, Mich., Parole Violator Harold I. Davis, a fugitive, came back to jail from Texas, explained: "It's better to be in jail where they know you and want you than at liberty in a gay city where they don't."

Answer. In Moultrie, Ga., an irate traffic cop demanded an autoist's name, for an answer got "Scram"--and, just in the nick of time, the rest of it: Joe Scram.

The March of Science. In London, Dr. Hugh B. Cott of the Cambridge Museum of Zoology reported that his three-man panel of experts, after sampling the eggs of 81 species of birds, had come to an authoritative conclusion: big eggs usually taste better than little ones.

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