Philistine. In Chicago, Mrs. Marjorie Johnson won a divorce after telling the judge that her husband hit her when she tried to make him give up his comic books for the classics.

Jeweled Movement. In Portales, N. Mex., Millard F. Holcomb finally discovered the reason why his cow had been limping for the past six years: his wife's long-lost diamond ring was firmly lodged in its hoof.

Crime & Punishment. In Memphis, whoever robbed the Rev. John Maddox of his briefcase got a three-year collection of sermons for his pains.

Short Putt. In North College Hill, Ohio, Charles A. Lasure, 82, rested overnight after a 1,000-mile junket from Ardmore, Okla., then started back the way he had come: by motor scooter.

Live Wire. In Boston, Telegraph Clerk Virginia Sullivan carefully counted the ten words of a customer's message, handed over $500 as soon as she had absorbed it: "This is a stickup. Quiet and you won't get hurt."

Stop the Presses. In Glasgow, Henry Strachan got mad at an Alsatian dog, made news.

The Groaner's Friend. In Westville Grove, N.J., Louis Lichtman, who plays music to his 4,000 hogs to help fatten them, announced authoritatively that Bing Crosby and Guy Lombardo have greatest hog appeal.

Margin of Error. Near Lille, France, Amateur Electrician Eugene Delobelle, who was positive that 6,000 volts would not kill a man, tried it on himself, and was proved wrong.

Critic. In Berwick, Pa., an exasperated six-year-old boy explained to police why he had tried to burn down the Berwick Christian Church: the services were too long.

Simple Answer. In Harrison, Ark., Mrs. Hannah Green, 106, explained how she has kept her perfect health: by "never being sick."

Unfair Trade. In Los Angeles, a divorce was granted to Mrs. Arthur M. Hamburger after she testified that her husband insisted on doing the cooking, made her do the dishes.

The New England Conscience. In Shirley, Mass., the Rev. Ray Meserve politely requested the "godly" to stay away from his special "sinners only" church service, thereupon had the biggest attendance since Easter.

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