Spoor. In Pittsburgh, Marshall Johnson was sentenced to a term in jail for burglary, after he had left at the scene of he crime 1) his fingerprints, 2) his social security number, 3) a picture of his wife.

Cross Porpoises. In Marineland, Fla., aquarium officials were distressed to learn that two porpoises they had shipped to Bimini, B.W.I, had become seasick en route.

Downbeat. In Springfield, Ill., Symphony Conductor Constantine Johns, raising his arms for the opening chord of Faust, dislocated his back, spent the next six weeks in the hospital.

On the House. In Hoboken, N.J., Steve Soss was quietly arrested for drunkenness when he entered police headquarters, put his foot on a brass rail, ordered a glass of wine.

Golden Rule. In Chicago, Alma Linquest and husband Harold, a Bible student, finally patched things up in court after a month's separation: she agreed to attend church and he agreed to take her to a movie a week.

Preventive Ounce. In Seattle, a judge suspended sentence on Ben Trigg on condition that the next time he "feels a drunk coming on" he chain himself securely to a tree.

Out. In Ravenna, Ohio, Ballplayer Harold Hartung dreamed that he was chasing a fly ball, chased it right out his second-floor bedroom window.

Retort. In Chatham, N.Y., Landlord Frank Waldvogel explained to police why he had finally shot and killed a tenant he was trying to evict: the tenant just kept saying, "Hmmm."

Current Event. In Russellville, Ark., the lights went out at Arkansas Tech at the start of a commencement address by C. Hamilton Moses, president of the Arkansas Power & Light Co.

Elementary. In New London, Conn., the Griswold Country Club solved the lost-golfball problem: it hired a pack of pointers and English setters and treated the balls with pheasant scent.

Fighter's Lot. In Manila, the Supreme Court thought & thought, finally delivered itself of the opinion that a dead rooster could be declared the winner of a cock fight provided it had died while on the offensive.

Voter's Plot. In Memphis, Judge R. G. Kinkle thought & thought, finally announced his decision that a man who owns a cemetery plot cannot properly be considered a property owner.

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.