Equinimity. In Hayes, Middlesex, England, an unfortunate horse wandered into a grocery, encountered Mrs. Elsie Chard, who quickly jumped on its neck, forced it to the floor, hung on till the owner arrived.

Precept & Example. In Buffalo, visiting Fire Chief Ray Hayes sniffed smoke during a fire-prevention banquet, peered down, found that his necktie was burning.

Rough Translation. In Los Angeles, Joe Mendina reported to police that three persistent gunmen had tried & tried to hold him up, at last realized that he couldn't speak English, held him up successfully in Spanish.

Habeas Corpus. In Key West, Fla., Rupert Knowles, 368 Ibs., was excused from jury duty: nobody could find a big enough chair.

Well, Hardly Ever. In Oklahoma City, salesman Never Fail filed a petition in bankruptcy.

Supercrooks. In Yarmouth, England, four boys confessed with a touch of braggadocio what they had done with the 64 bricks of ice cream they had stolen the night before: they ate them.

First Principles. In Moscow, Landlady Maria Merkulova was fined 100 rubles for nailing a sign to a tree warning tenants not to nail signs to trees.

They're Off! In Little Rock, Ark., Judge Frank Dodge considered carefully, decided that betting on horse races is a matter of skill rather than chance.

Martyr. In Durand, Wis., Harry J. Foster, practicing to lead a Hospital Day parade, fell off his horse, was removed to the hospital.

It's Like This. In London, Lord Mancroft entered a Conservative Party meeting, expressed regret that he could not speak as scheduled because "My house is on fire." In Nashville, Julius Frankie Robinson explained to police why he had stolen his son from his ex-wife's sister: "To give him a bath."

Quid Pro Quo. In Tacoma, Wash., Pitcher John Tobacco lasted one inning, was relieved by Fred Chew.

Burned Up. In West Carrollton, Ohio, hecklers at a fire finally got the better of Fire Captain Aufuldish, who jumped up & down on his hat and resigned.

Invasion of Privacy. In Melbourne, police arrested Louey Chow, who was just sitting on a park bench sewing a patch on his only pair of pants.

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.