Dog's Best Friend. On Mount Hood, Ore., Innkeeper George North had to hike out into the snows to rescue the inn's St. Bernard, stranded for four days on a rocky ledge.

The Well-Dressed Man. In Hillsboro, Texas, arrested for carrying a pistol, Larry Stehel, 20, said in his defense: "I thought all Texans wore guns."

Home on the Range. Near Pittsburgh, George Sneider returned home to find that vandals had broken in, used Sneider's rifle to shoot up four windows and his television set.

Wanderer's Return. In Southend, England, Thomas Kennies walked into the local police station with Mildred Browne, struck her in the mouth, knocked her down, told the police clerk: "I brought her here purposely to do it. I want to get back to prison. I'm no good outside."

Spring Offensive. Near Port Arthur, Ont., when three cops showed up at Louis Damill's farm with a search warrant, Damill's nettled nanny goat 1) grabbed the warrant and chewed half of it, 2) butted one of the officers, 3) broke loose from the barn after they locked her in, 4) routed the three from the premises.

Post Mortem. In Hamden, Conn., cops arrested Edward Bratkewitz, 21, for sending a hearse to his girl friend's house after she refused to mend their broken romance.

The Local Level. In San Pedro, Calif.,

after failing to get help in turn from the Coast Guard, the sheriff, the county lifeguards, the Humane Society, the County Road Dept., the Air Pollution Board, the Parks & Recreation Dept., the Health Dept. and the Department of Sanitation, the caretaker of the Portuguese Bend Beach Club himself burned the 5-ft. 50-lb. dead seal that had been washed ashore.

Thesaurus. In Charleston, W.Va., after consulting the rule book, Western Union told Mrs. A. W. Hawkins Jr. that she must use no such insulting word as "moron" in her telegram, accepted the wire when she substituted "witling."*

Due Provocation. In Milwaukee, Leonard Timmerman was spared a prison sentence for embezzling $87,533 after his wife confessed, "I'm entirely to blame. I drove him to it ... He did everything possible and I still demanded more . . . I gave him a terrible time."

Loaded Evidence. In San Antonio, after a horde of red ants, brought into court on three logs as evidence, had swarmed over Judge Delos Finch's desk, he adjourned the trial.

*"A person of little wit or understanding; a pretender to wit."--Webster

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.