Self-Conscious. In Washington, Ind., the county poor farm made $1,386 profit from the first month's production of its nine oil wells, changed its name to the Daviess County Home.

Undercover Men. In San Antonio, when city detectives voted for officers of the police association, the count showed 50 more ballots than detectives.

Feet First. In Fremont, Ohio, Conroy Kinkead told the sheriff how he happened to be driving someone else's car: he and his wife had hitchhiked until her feet started hurting.

Blind Justice. In Baltimore, Magistrate Harry Katz dismissed the defendant charged with violating City Ordinance 438 after trying vainly to find out from the court clerk, the police commissioner's executive secretary and the traffic bureau what the ordinance was.

It Stinks. In Little Rock, Ark., the Sanitation Department recorded the reason for a worker's resignation after he had put in one day on the job: "Said garbage smells too bad."

Scrambled Eggs. In Washington, the Army explained to the Department of Agriculture that it could not buy Agriculture's dehydrated surplus eggs because they do not meet the Army buying standards approved by Agriculture.

Helpmeet. In Lakewood, Ohio, after G. V. Harris telephoned his vacationing wife that she had taken the mailbox key with her, she obligingly mailed it back to him.

Customer's Beef. In Tulsa, Okla., after they advertised that they would give a cow to anyone who could decipher the OPS meat regulations, Grocers Wes & "Choo" Phillips tried to head off an insistent housewife whose 850-word explanation was approved by the local OPS, finally compromised, awarded her a side of choice steer.

Unfair Competition. In Sacramento, Calif., Bar Owner Nick Sanducci complained to the city council about the new gospel mission next door: "Every time somebody comes along they grab him and make him take the pledge."

Right of Way. In Elmwood Place, Ohio, Motorist Clayton Bush ignored the warning light at a railroad crossing, beat a northbound freight, was rammed by a southbound express, bounced back & forth for a block between the two trains, wound up with minor cuts and bruises, standing on the tracks with his steering wheel in his hand.

Tagged. In Birmingham, police booked Lottery King for gambling.

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