Gun Shy. In Fort Sheridan, Ill., Inductee Donald Nothdorft, for three years the "Human Cannonball" for a circus, told officers: "I don't think I want to be in the artillery."

Restricted Diet. In Baltimore, police arrested James Corn, 38, for climbing inside the cage rail at the local zoo, loading up on the peanuts people threw to the bears.

All in Due Time. In Port Washington, Wis., Mrs. Fred Schuknecht received a birthday card from a friend who had written on the envelope: "Please hurry, postman. I'm late already," under which was wearily scrawled: "Can't. I'm tired."

Winged Victory. In Upper Darby, Pa., Golfer Parker Jerrell missed a 15-ft. putt by a hair, then watched a butterfly land on the ball, knock it into the cup.

". . . But It Pours." In Bryan, Tex., Miss Betye Rainwater married Clinton Fawcett.

Pause That Refreshes. In Fresno, Calif., police arrested four youths who were caught removing the caps from pop bottles still in vending machines, sipping the contents through long straws.

Taps. In Decatur, Ill., one of the customers whose water service was discontinued for failure to pay the bill was City Waterworks Superintendent Homer Chastain.

Credit Rating. In Houston, ten minutes after the Lindquist Finance Corp. was robbed of $447, Office Manager Howard Willson got a phone call from the thief who complained: "You didn't have enough money over there."

Out on a Limb. In Chicago, Mrs. William Shorts admitted to detectives that in order to keep her husband home nights she had taken to hiding his artificial leg.

Accrued Interest. In Orangeville, Ont., after waiting six years for Albert Self to pay up a 50-c- debt, Leonard Speers went out to the Self farm, demanded the money, got into a fight, paid a $100 fine for assault.

Truth Will Out. In Houston, Fireman William Green got his job back after he explained a burglary accusation: "I entered this apartment . . . through the front door to visit Miss Lee Lorenz. After visiting her awhile, her boy friend came in, and as a result of his coming I did jump out the window."

Little Shaver. In Indiantown Gap, Pa., 13-year-old Private Robert Young was discharged from the Army after officers noticed that he had no whiskers.

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