Low & Outside. In Des Moines, the park board disallowed Night Watchman A. T. Warrick's claim for new false teeth because, when the baseball thrown during an amateur game broke his set, it was in his pocket.

Dividend. In Manhattan, when Aaron G. Bass's car was stolen, he notified police, who brought him the car. also a summons to pay fines totaling $96 on five traffic tickets found in the glove compartment.

Complete Coverage. In Phoenix, Ariz., Gazette Photographer Tom Barnhart. assigned to get pictures of police stopping Arizona residents driving without state license plates, was tagged for the same offense.

Turncoat. In Memphis. Wesley Green, 37, slightly wounded his old friend. Clarence Bentley. 29. in a duel with shotguns at 15 paces, explained to police: "All his life Clarence agreed that passenger cars could go faster than trucks. Then today he changed his mind."

Sharp Answer. In Bridgeport, Conn., James Augustus. 29. taken to the hospital with cuts on his left hand, right arm and chest, told police that his wife took after him with a kitchen knife when he asked, at bedtime: "Why don't we have clean sheets?"

Any Port. In Murphysboro. Ill., running from police who wanted to question him about a bad check. Sanford Burgess, 45, panted into the basement of a building which he discovered, too late, was the Jackson County courthouse.

Dress Rehearsal. In Bristol, Pa., Fire Chief Clifford Hagerman was inspecting a fire box when he accidentally set off an alarm, was on hand, red-faced, when 20 firemen in three pumpers and one ladder truck screamed to the scene.

Something Wrong. In Chicago, Robert Whitfield and Douglas Henderson painted a truck yellow to look like a city vehicle, loaded two tons of city-owned steel pipe in a municipal construction yard until detectives became suspicious "because they were working so hard."

Fine Print. In Baltimore, ten-year-old Ronnie Lee Leslie offered "the cheapest shoeshine in town--5-c-." went on to explain that, for only 5-c- more, "I'll shine the other shoe."

Rut. In San Francisco, when a youthful gunman walked into his store. Liquor Store Operator Thomas Lagios groaned: "Oh. no. not again' was told: "Yeah, again." by the bandit, who cleaned the cash register of $64, ordered Lagios into a back room where he piled ten cases of beer on top of him--for the second time in two days.

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