Full Explanation. In Cleveland, Mrs. Norma Peden told a divorce court that when she asked her husband to explain a package of love letters from a nightclub entertainer, he laughed, said: "This is a modernistic world," and broke a mirror over her head.

Preview. In Paris, Couturier Christian Dior received this letter: "Please excuse me for bothering you, but I would like to know where you intend putting the pockets on your winter coats--signed, A Modest Pickpocket."

Book of Revelation. In Tulsa, the Rev. J. Frank Davis announced the title of his sermon for the forthcoming Sunday evening service: "Why Half the People I Know Ought to Go to Hell."

Not as Advertised. In Atlantic City, Cornelius McGee was fined $100 for fraud after he was caught selling catnip cigarettes as marijuana.

This Way Out. In Taipei, Formosa, the Hotel Owners' Association issued a public statement: "If there is any reason why you must end your life, it's always better to do 'so outside hotels. Suicides in hotels not only incur the managements considerable expense but also cause them great mental distress."

Big Game. In Cameron, Texas, while watching a cattle auction, Doris Lott slapped at a fly, was informed that she had just bought a calf.

Diagnosis. In Manhattan, Robert Jacobs explained to the court why he had committed 21 traffic violations in the past three years: "Nothing other than stupidity."

Fluid Capital. In Memphis, Goldsmith's Department Store accepted a check drawn on the "East Bank of the Mississippi."

Mechanized Attack. In Boston, when her boy friend quit dating her, Mary Leroy slashed his tires, threw sand into his gas tank and salt into the crankcase, set fire to the car.

Third Round. In Accadia, Italy, 90-year-old Antonio Pirro went to the dentist with a pain in his jaw, found he was cutting a new set of teeth.

Acquired Skill. In Richmond, hoping to teach men & women how to make better use of their leisure time, the Professional Institute is offering a course in "Puttering."

Total Recall. In Oakland. Calif., being booked on a drunken charge, Linshurekolts D. Wrandsgilfabepomcekults told police to just call him Randy.

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