Straight Answer. In Toledo, when two cops demanded to know what Milton Easley was doing in another man's car, he replied sheepishly: "Stealing, I guess."

Trimmed. In Noble, Ill., a price war between the town's two barbers ended abruptly when Barber Joe Smith cut his haircut fee from 75c, to free, had to lock up shop to keep out the crowds.

The Firebird. In Cleveland, just after Mr. and Mrs. Alfonso Capretta had finished remodeling their home, a bird picked up a lighted cigarette from the street, flew to its nest in their roof, and set a $2,500 fire.

Welcome. In Skiatook, Okla., Mr. & Mrs. Edward Davis were sued for $28,434.20 damages by a house guest who said that she had tripped and fallen over the Davises' door mat.

The Romantics. In Nottingham, England, an all-male committee of the city council unanimously declared they would not use sodium lighting in the downtown area because it was unflattering to women's complexions.

Decentralization. In Raleigh, N.C., when police started to give Robert L. Williams a ticket for driving his newly purchased used car without a license, the headlights fell off, the trunk lid fell off, and the bumper fell off.

Headed Wrong. In Boise, Idaho, a strange man passed Judith Barnhart on the sidewalk, hit her on the head with a rock, then took a closer look and muttered: "Sorry, wrong person."

Barrack-Room Ballad. In Milwaukee, Henry F. Szczepkowski, veteran of five years in the Army, filed suit for divorce, said that he was "shocked" by his wife's profane conversation.

Trade Balance. In Hilo, Hawaii, Liquor Store Owner John Perreira, refusing to run for the territorial legislature, explained: "If I were a candidate lots of people would be coming around to sponge drinks. If I gave them liquor, I'd lose money. If I refused them, I'd lose their votes."

Defilade. In Oklahoma City, after Driver Jerry Clifford Moland was brought to court for sideswiping a car, his fine was suspended when he explained that his front-seat female passenger weighed more than 200 Ibs. and that he "couldn't see over her."

Bottled Up. In Greenville, S.C., when the drunks in the city jail never seemed to sober up, police kept a close watch, nabbed Janitor Jesse McKamey peddling whisky through the bars.

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