Air Attack. In Philadelphia, firemen blamed the burning of Mrs. Hattie Cur ry's house on a bird that tried to use a lighted cigarette to build its nest.

Welcome Home. In Brisbane, Aus tralia, a court ruled that William Marsden was justified in thrashing his nine-year-old son Ian Charles with a stick after the boy announced his father's return from work by shouting: "Here comes Old Baldy!"

Gratitude. Near Hopland, Calif., Mo torist Jewett Daniels obligingly gave a push to a stalled car, was accused of shov-ng "too hard" by its three occupants, who stoned him, stabbed him, tossed him over a bank, drove away in his car.

To the Last Farthing. In Sheffield, England, Steuart Davis admitted to a judge that he had spent the last $20,000 of his fortune in seven months and turned to street cleaning to thwart his wife's am-Dition to get alimony, added: "She's no Rita Hayworth."

Passing Show. In Las Cruces, N. Mex., Charles Coleman, arrested a third time for automobile theft, told police: "When I see a new car, I just can't resist it."

Weather-Beaten. In Ithaca, N.Y., Er nest Johnson, meteorologist at the U.S.

Weather Bureau office in Albany, N.Y., apologized for arriving late at a speaking engagement, said his plane had been held up by unexpected weather.

Day Shift. In Chicago, Mrs. Violet Fine gave birth to a baby girl in a taxicab on the way to the hospital, said she had phoned for the cab instead of waking up her cab-driver husband because he works at night, and "I hated to disturb him."

Figurehead. In Brisbane, Australia, Mrs. Gertrude Riordan, 65, was swept off her feet by a train at a grade crossing and carried a mile on the cowcatcher to the next station, where she stepped off and said: "My only thought was how silly I must look."

Citizen's Army. In Belleville, 111., Pri vate Rollie Summers Jr., captured on the 32nd day of his third AWOL trip in three months' service, told police that he does not like Army life.

Policeman's Lot. In London, Scotland Yard Officer Archibald Pross got a divorce on grounds of cruelty after summing up his life with Rosa: i) he had served her breakfast in bed for 20 years; 2) she kicked him while he was scrubbing the floor; 3) she smashed her glass when he put water in her gin; 4) she accepted love letters and liquor from his next-door neighbor; 5) he was so terrified of her that he frequently slept on the floor --"an unpleasant experience in winter."

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.