Lip Service. In Indianapolis, ordered by his employers to shave off his mustache, Service-Station Attendant Warren Benson dismissed the order as a joke, two days later was fired.

Doctor's Orders. In Philadelphia, Luther Brown, arrested after he escaped from the house of correction, explained that when he had tried to get medical treatment, the prison physician had said, "Get out!"

Collect. In Los Angeles, Emil Hallal found a burglar breaking into his cocktail lounge, subdued him with a hammer, borrowed a dime from him to telephone police.

Courtesy of the Road. In Eugene, Ore., Mrs. Ida Lewis told police she was driving with her bright lights on when a truck driver stopped in front of her, smashed both her headlights with an iron bar, drove on.

America on Wheels. In Niles, Ohio, informed that there was a "dead man" in a parked car, police sped to the scene, awakened the man, who explained: "My wife is a shrew. When she raises a fuss, I leave the house, drive around awhile and fall asleep. Later when I go home, she welcomes me with open arms."

Cold Comfort. In Paterson.N.J., suing for divorce, Mrs. Doris Katz complained that her husband Charles bawled her out every time she sneezed.

Talent Scout. In High Point, N.C., arrested outside the women's dormitory at High Point College, Commercial Artist Charles Dunham denied that he was a Peeping Tom, explained that he was merely seeking suitable candidates for a local beauty contest.

And Useful, Too. In Sydney, Australia, Long Bay jail officials banned gift parcels for prisoners when they found that one inmate had received a revolver sealed in a jam can, another a hacksaw in a book.

Double Jeopardy. In Clarksville, Tenn., Judge William O. Beach Jr. fined his wife $2 for driving without a license, fined his mother-in-law $5 for driving without proper license plates.

Passing the Word. In Toledo, James Hatchett got six months in the county jail after he was found guilty of hitting his mother on the head with the family Bible.

'Twixt the Cup & the Lip. In Guetersloh, Germany, police arrested Friedelina Kleine-Beek after she followed her husband to a local tavern, watched through the window as he raised a glass of beer to his lips, then carefully aimed a rifle and fired, shattering the glass, but leaving her husband unscathed.

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.