Toeing the Mark. In Somerville, Mass., Judge Nyman Kolodny fined a 40-year-old laborer $15 for drunkenness despite his protest: "It's my new shoes. They hurt so much I couldn't walk straight."

Scoreboard. In Glendale, Calif., nabbed when he tried to rob a liquor store, Dan Walsh, 40, handed police his pistol, boasted that each of the eight notches in the handle represented a successful robbery.

Psychosomatic. In Bridgeport, Conn., suing for divorce, John C. Maffucci said his wife Clarice had repeatedly informed him that her one aim was to make his life so miserable that he would get ulcers.

The Talker. In Portland, Ore., Donald Blank held up Service Station Attendant Hugo Nelson, lost his pistol in a scuffle, was arrested while he tried to talk Nelson into giving it back.

Woman's Privilege. In Williamsport, Pa., charged with arson, Howard Krause told police that he had set fire to his newly bought house only because his wife suddenly decided she did not want to live in it.

Fan Club. In Florence, Ariz., Ted O. Mullen, acting warden of the state penitentiary, resigned when his request for a $2,400 salary boost was turned down despite a petition from 500 convicts who offered to pay the increase out of their recreation fund.

High Tea. In Washington, D.C., questioning James Morgan in his home about a robbery, the cops spotted a tea kettle on the stove, lifted the lid and found $650 in the boiling water.

Firewater. In Newark, Roger Maturin, 28, told firemen and police why he had turned in 28 false alarms over two weekends: "All I need is two beers, maybe three, then I'm on my way.''

Transfer Point. In Los Angeles, Virgil Clopine, suing for divorce, complained that his wife Marie had moved her moth er, her brother, and her daughter by a previous marriage into his six-room house, then started going out nights with other men.

Vengeance Is Mine. In Albuquerque, Motorist Anita Warnick spotted the dog that had bitten her three weeks before, swerved to hit the beast, instead crashed into a house and wound up under arrest.

On the House. In Los Angeles, Winford Johnson, 39, was arrested on a complaint by the Temptation Inn owner, who had asked him to "watch the place for a while," later returned to find that Johnson had made off with $450 from the tavern safe after buying drinks all around.

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