Have Tools; Will Travel. In Manhattan, the United Nations employees' newspaper quoted the appraisal of a personnel interviewer on a job applicant: "Definitely not to be considered; carried a dagger at waist; sloppy appearance; returned . . . carrying gun at waist."

Brand Name. In New Haven, Conn., Yale Graduate Student Edmund D. Looney petitioned the superior court for permission to change his name, claimed that it might interfere with the practice of his future profession--psychiatry.

Chef's Special. In Taipei, Formosa, after 40 soldiers came down with food poisoning, a Chinese Nationalist army spokesman apologized to the troops, explained that instead of flour, a cook had mistakenly used insecticide.

Fringe Benefits. In Miami, asked by police, after his arrest, why he remained in the field when he complained of the ups and downs of 55 years of pickpocketing, Noah Berris replied thoughtfully: "Well, I like the hours."

The Lively Arts. In Tokyo, Commercial Artist Shigenari Niwa was arrested on charges of counterfeiting more than 2,000 thousand-yen ($2.78) notes, explained that he had designed them for a scene in a film, added sadly: "They were so good, it seemed a shame to waste them on a movie."

The Cure. In Victoria, B.C., Norris Harwood was fined $35 for careless driving after he took his car out at 4 a.m. to end an attack of insomnia, smashed into a parked truck when he fell asleep at the wheel.

Morning Line. In Boston, William L. Coilty and Ralph K. Stuart each filed suit for $5,000 against the New Haven Railroad, charged that they suffered "mental anguish, constant anxiety and financial loss" when the Narragansett Special arrived too late for them to bet the daily double at the track.

Ham. In Toledo, nabbed after an hour's chase over snow-covered streets, William R. Robinson confessed that he had just robbed the Hillcrest Hotel for the second time because "it was so easy the last time," told the cops that he had come back to Toledo from Michigan to "read my press notices at the library."

Earthly Instrument. In Aiken, S.C., police looked for the thief who broke into The Church of God, stole twelve folding chairs, a Sunday-school bell, a blackboard, an oil heater and several hymnals, left a note: "To Whom It May Concern: The chairs and items are not taken without just cause, but were taken as a loan and will be returned soon. This is the will of God."

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