Liquidation. In Martinez, Calif., sued for divorce, Troy Fortner told his wife, "We started without anything and we're going to finish without anything," smashed the family refrigerator, stove, twin beds, living-room table, $600 TV set.

Deuces Wild. In Johnson City, Tenn., School Janitor Frank J. Arquette, already father of 16, admitted when presented by his 38-year-old wife with their sixth set of twins that he was out of fresh names, might have to call the new pair "Seventeen and Eighteen."

Heat Off. In Denver, Mrs. Sarah Chinn won a divorce after she testified that her husband, a former restaurant operator, refused to let her take a bath for weeks "because he needed the hot water for the restaurant."

Diagnostician. In High Point, N.C., police arrested James Farlow for reckless driving after he ran through a stop sign, raced at 80 m.p.h. in a school zone, despite his explanation that he was "rushing to the hospital with a heart attack."

With Regret. In Tokyo, Ward Politician Tokusaburo Takahashi informed the National Fire Defense Board that he would be unable to appear at ceremonies to accept a medal of honor for his fire prevention work, because he was in jail on charges of bribery in a real estate deal.

Jumped Cue. In Charleston, W. Va., after he attempted to hold up a local grocery, fled out the door when Clerk Anna Horvath, 65, swung a loin. butcher knife at him, 17-year-old William B. Cook complained to the cops: "I didn't even have time to tell her it was a stick-up."

Through the Sound Barrier. In Milwaukee, haled into court for begging as a deaf-mute, -Frederick W. Gagnon kept mum throughout the trial, remarked after he was sentenced to 30 days in jail: "I didn't know this town was so tough on panhandlers."

Sedative. In Cleveland, arrested for putting ground glass into the milk of an upstairs couple for making "too much noise," Dorothy Kaplan told detectives that she really meant no harm, "I just wanted to slow them down a little."

The Breaking Point. In Maywood, Calif., after driving his truck 750,000 miles in ten years without an accident, Lou Murdock was presented with his company's gold safe-driving award while lying in a hospital bed with a broken leg, suffered in a fall down the stairs in his home.

Subspecialty. In Los Angeles, arrested for rifling a savings jar in the University Church, Wesley S. Pond told police: "I never rob anything other than churches; it's my livelihood."

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.