Two Stripes & Out. In Montreal, when R.C.A.F. Airman Joe Nicholls was told of his promotion to corporal, his mouth popped open with such surprise that he had to be rushed to the hospital with a dislocated jaw.

Shop Talk. In Great Bend, Kans., the Rev. Raymond Knowles improved parking conditions for himself and staff after he replaced "Reserved" and "No Parking" signs in the East Methodist Church's lot with signs reading: "Thou Shalt Not Park."

Hot Spot. In Dumont, N.J., three days after veteran Fireman John Carey was named chairman of a drive to raise $35,-ooo to build a new firehouse, he was arrested on charges of burning the old firehouse to the ground.

The Defense Rests. In San Diego, Attorney Harold P. Curtis was relieved as defense counsel for Robert Sarenana, facing trial for passing bad checks, after the lawyer quietly told the judge that his client had paid for his professional services with a bad check.

The Play's the Thing. In New Haven, Conn., arrested after police found 3,021 lottery tickets in his home, turned up 1,144 DEGf the betting slips in the refrigerator, Ellsworth Nixon, 59, protested: "I collect old lottery bets as some people collect old stamps, old coins and pictures of baseball players."

The Patient. In Butte, Mont., a woman telephoned the police station, reported that her husband and pet chow were missing, added: "I don't care about my husband; it's the dog I'm worried about. He's under a doctor's care."

Double Take. In Rome, police looked for the thief who drove off in Gustavo Zontini's car when he parked it outside the station house to report that someone had stolen his groceries from the back seat.

Fielder's Choice. In Mineola, N.Y., Construction Worker Dennis Smith vigorously denied that he had struck his wife, said: "All I did was pick her up and throw her out the door."

Stranger Than Fiction. In Memphis, Howard Miller, hoping to brush off an old girl friend, told her that he was wanted in seven states by the police, was picked up when cops got wind of his tale, then jailed on a genuine forgery charge when he paid his bail with a phony $100 check.

Family Man. In Tokyo, Akira Ito was arrested for stealing 65 cameras valued at $3.900, despite his explanation that he badly needed the money to support his four mistresses and their four children.

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