On the House. In Milwaukee, Internal Revenue officials, agreeing to accept $23,000 plus a percentage of her future income in settlement for $81,656 in back taxes from Mae Yager, 67, a bawdyhouse proprietress, explained that the arrangement might prove more profitable than a forced sale of Madam Yager's assets.

Employer's Chance. In Albany, N.Y., an ad appeared in the Times-Union: "MISFIT wants lucrative, soft position; lazy, ignorant, irresponsible, no experience, no ability, no references."

Stop the Music! In Cleveland, Carnival Singer Nancy Hall Bloom got a divorce on her testimony that her husband's repeated taunts gave her hives, told the judge: "He makes me so nervous my lips swell and I can't sing."

Hidden Asset. In Columbus, Ohio, arrested on a check-forging charge, Chemical Worker John Boston asked the cops, "Is this all you got against me?", grabbed the check when a cop nodded assent, swallowed the evidence.

Lay-Away Plan. In Culver City, Calif., arrested with a bagful of shoplifted clothes, Dolores June King and Vivian Eggert, expectant mothers, told police: "We are going to the hospital next month to have our babies and we wanted to look nice."

Fire Escape. In Milwaukee, charged with setting fire to the apartment building where he worked, aging (69) Janitor Clement Zeller explained: "The work was getting too much for me, and I didn't see how I could get out of it."

Pause That Refreshes. In Westport, Conn., arrested for standing on the seat of his motorcycle as it ripped through Sunday traffic on the Merritt Parkway, Walter Buckner told a state patrolman: "I felt like stretching, but I didn't want to waste time stopping."

See You Later, Alligator. In Bryn Mawr, Pa., after horrified school authorities closed her dormitory reptile zoo containing two turtles, a foot-long alligator and a scarlet king snake, Bryn Mawr College Sophomore Marianne McDonald sighed: "It seems hard to believe that everyone doesn't like reptiles--the little snake was a symphony in color."

The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter. In Wesson, Miss., the Enterprise carried a classified ad: "I am going to sell everything I can and will sell cheap. I have many odds and ends that will be a help to many as everything is so expensive. I have jewelry galore, a beautiful yo-yo bedspread that won first prize at the fair. Hoping I can sell out to go where I can be with someone, thanking one and all in advance."

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