Stoppered. In Rio de Janeiro, arrested for practicing medicine without a license, Window Washer Alves de Sousa explained: "I stole so many drugs from hospitals where I worked that I was compelled to open a medical office in order to sell them to my patients before they spoiled."

Point of Honor. In Tucson, Ariz., police looked for the man who hopped into Walter Prideaux's Chevrolet, robbed him of a gold wedding band, a $50 watch, $2 in cash, promised to leave the car at a specified parking space, explained before he drove off: "I'm no car thief!"

Road Hog. In Bielefeld, Germany, Motorist Georg Plaut was fined $50 for "using insulting language to fellow road users," after he rigged up an illuminated sign in his back window which flashed: SWINE.

You Name It. In Graham, N.C., History Teacher Wilton Hawkins apologized under pressure to the city council for including in a final examination a multiple choice question: "The Graham City Council is largely composed of A) Idiots; B) Ignoramuses; C) Ne'er-Do-Wells; D) You call it, you got it."

Dark Victory. In Nottingham, England, after attending the local movie house three times a week for 45 years, where she was wooed and won by two husbands in the same spot, Mrs. Mary Bettson was offered the seats as a "sentimental token," turned them down, explained: "My present husband and I have pretty well worn them out."

The Searching Mind. In Indianapolis, an eight-year-old browser asked Librarian Louise Hodapp for a special book on hypnotism, "one that will tell me how to hypnotize my brother into washing dishes every night."

The Cruel Sea. In Detroit, Mrs. Netti Rea testified in divorce court that her husband had spent all his money on boats, never named one after her: "He named them for other women. If I'd been a boat, I'd have been well kept."

Ivy Cover. In Pasadena, Calif., Dan Thrasher, 19, arrested for holding up a gas station, explained to cops: "I was just trying to work my way through college."

Day of Reckoning. In Minneapolis, Kans., Ross Thompson, 76, smashed into a parked car and knocked it into another car, drove 130 feet farther down the street and crashed into a third car, stopped, walked back to survey the first scene of contact, returned and backed out into a fourth car, shifted into forward gear, struck his wife and bounced her off the hood, inflicting three fractures, careened into a brick building, was hospitalized with his wife for multiple bruises.

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