Gumshoe. In Davenport, Iowa, arrested after he was spotted in a park carrying a high-priced pair of men's sandals, Anthony Ortiz explained to police: "I happened to fall through a department-store window and the sandals somehow became attached to me."

Job Option. In Salt Lake City, charged with failure to provide for his family, Felix E. Salazar was sentenced to 18 months in jail after he told the judge: "If I have to go to work now, I would rather go to prison and get it over with. What I would really like is a good job where you don't have to work hard."

No Time for Sergeants. In Milwaukee, arrested for drunken driving, Archie Ransom gave police a handwriting specimen reading, "I love you; I love you," was fined $150 after he told the judge that he harbored no such affections for the cops: "I guess I must have been thinking of my wife; I love her very dearly."

Life with Mother. In Columbus, Ohio, Joe Stout asked the court for a restraining order commanding his mother-in-law "to desist from calling, talking to, associating with or contacting" his wife Dorothy, filed a $50,000 damage suit against her, charging that she exerted "a hypnotic influence and control over her daughter, sometimes termed 'brainwashing.' "

Out at Home. In Stanthorpe, Queensland, Australia, after confessing to the burglary of a jewelry store, Raymond Riley Cox, 24, was admitted to bail by the police court when he explained that his own house had been robbed in his absence and he wanted to "return to see what had been stolen."

No Mixer. In Hot Springs, Ark., a demonstration of a new drunkometer at the Arkansas Municipal Judges Council had to be postponed after Volunteer Detroit Phillips, primed with whisky, vodka, wine and moonshine, passed out just before the show was to go on.

The Bare Facts. Near Welland, Ont., the Niagara Gymnosophical Society, which operates a 25-acre nudist colony, announced that it would open its doors to the public for one day to demonstrate "that all nations can live together in peace. The day's activities will be a revelation for skeptics of the nudist idea."

Member of the Wedding. Near Holtville, Calif., after he and his new wife became mired in the sand dunes, Kenneth Marcle dutifully hitchhiked into town for help, returned to find his Chevrolet and bride gone, next morning located his wife in nearby Date City, where she explained that a "nice man" had come along, pushed the car out of the sand and taken her to Mexicali, Mexico for an evening "doing the town."

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