The Naked Truth. In Los Angeles, Mrs. Juanita Bradley, 27, won a divorce after testifying that her husband tried to drown her at the beach because she refused to play strip poker, complained to the court: "I don't even know how to play poker."

Airtight Case. In Dayton, Ky. Dick Beuerlein, 24, escaped from jail where he was being held on a reckless-driving charge, was recaptured two hours later explained to cops: "I've got claustrophobia."

Public Service. In Southsea, England a notice was posted on the wall of the Tudor Rose Cafe, where bosomy Marian Weeks was employed: "Patrons are kindly requested not to waste the waitress's time by asking for her vital statistics . They are 41 1/2, 26, 37. 'S true."

Station Break. In Santa Monica, Calif Mrs. Doris S. Games won a divorce after testimony that her husband was so domineering he marked which TV programs she could watch each night while he was out working the late shift.

Snap Judgment. In St. Louis, Edwin Balk was fined $500 after his barber testified in court: "He asked for a short haircut, and that's what I gave him. After I got through, he looked in the mirror and yelled, 'You've cut off my sideburns,' then jumped out of the chair, threw the apron m my face and twisted my arm round until it broke."

The Children's Hour. In Springfield, Ohio, Mrs. Rosa Apone put a classified ad in the local paper--"Child Care, hour, day, week. Inexperienced, unreliable, unreasonable rates, no references"--next day got 50 phone calls from interested parents.

It Takes a Heap of Looting. In Van Nuys, Calif., caught with stolen goods in his home, 20-year-old Robert Lee Hunter explained to the police: "I was just trying to prove to my father-in-law that I could support his daughter as well as he could."

Agent Provocateur. In Crescent Beach, S.C., after three vacationers called police to report a bee swarm blocking the way into their house, Police Chief Howard Bailey replied: "I can't beat a bee with a blackjack, I can't shoot them and I can't arrest them. Tell you what. If you'll get 'em drunk, I'll come down and see what I can do."

The Gentler Sex. In Oshawa, Ont, 27-year-old Cyril Arsenault was sentenced to three months in jail for assault after Nurse Ella Chalmers testified: "He put a headlock on me, and I forced my fingers between his teeth to twist his jaw around. I punched him on the nose and made it bleed. I let him up twice because I won't hit even a man when he's down."

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