MISCELLANY The Last Frontier. In New Glasgow, N.S., the News printed a classified ad: "WANTED--A good woman who wishes a good home. Will marry if necessary--Charlie Morrison."

Origin of Specious. In London, in the name of the staid Lord's Day Observance Society, hoaxers sent out calendars with pictures of sketchily clad young women and a verse under the January pinup:

Of faerie grace and elfin feature She is just the kind of creature Who destroys our resolution Giving place to--evolution.

May There Be No Moaning. In Penobscot Bay, Me., Harbor Pilot George Jennings steered the freighter Indochinois into open water, couldn't return to shore because of rough seas, moodily faced a round trip to France.

Game Preserve. In Cleveland, cops surprised 40 men playing cards in an 8-by-10 ft. room, bagged two packs of cards and the 17 gamblers who couldn't squeeze past the door or dive through the window, later released their catch on insufficient evidence after they examined the cards, discovered they were printed in Spanish, decided it would be impossible to explain the game to the judge.

Cost of Cleaving. In Paris, although Pierre Bellardon forgave his wife Therese for pinking him twice with a hatchet, the judge lectured her, concluded: "For the security of husbands, I cannot let you off," fined her $42.84.

Pauper Profit. In Detroit, arrested after he tried to mooch a nickel from a passerby, Panhandler Genter Adams turned over $166 in cash and a bankbook with a $5,728 balance to cops for safekeeping, chose a 90-day jail term instead of a $100 fine, explained: "I can't afford to take all that money out of the bank with the interest rates so high.''

Young Lochinvar. In Bad Kreuznach, West Germany, after he stole a 50-ton M-47 tank and chugged for a seven-mile joy ride, Private Walter F. Brown got a two-year prison sentence despite his explanation that he took the tank to show his girl friend that he could drive it.

Small in the Saddle. On Dartmoor in England, TV Cowpoke Ross Salmon went for an off-camera canter on his cattle ranch, got tossed off by his skewbald mare Faithful, sent Faithful for help when he found he was too badly shaken up to remount, shivered all night after Faithful moseyed off in the wrong direction, gloomily told well-wishers: "I cannot think of anything more harmful for an experienced cowboy than to admit falling off his horse. I am afraid the kiddies will have finished with me."

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