Scrambled? In Sydney, Australia, Mrs. Gwendolyne Kelly got a divorce after she told the judge that she returned home early from a vacation, found her husband in bed with a woman who mistook her for the maid, ordered bacon and eggs.

Blow, Gabriel. In Boston, Thomas J. Owens drew a three-month sentence for theft after he stole a $300 trumpet, aroused suspicion by trying to peddle it first as a clarinet, then as a trombone.

Shoot If You Must. In Kingman, Ariz., when gun-waving Convict Charles Turner burst into an Episcopal parsonage one jump ahead of a sheriff's posse, 82-year-old Miss Louise Freeland ordered him to drop the gun, took him by the arm and marched him outside to the waiting officers, explained: "I didn't want to see him shot. He probably would have bloodied up my favorite chair."

Ask a Question ... In San Diego, arraigned before U.S. Commissioner Betty Graydon on a dope-smuggling charge. David Hedrick was asked what he did for a living, replied: "Well, ma'am, lately I've been forging checks."

Not Honor More. In Copenhagen, after reading a lurid newspaper report of the attempted holdup of a woman, a 17-year-old wrongdoer gave himself up to police, explained: "I want to let you know that it hurts my pride to be identified as a sex maniac. All I needed was her money."

The Wild Side. In Miami, 78-year-old Mrs. Mary Bloomfield Bayliss started across a street, wound up in court, was fined $2 for jaywalking, $100 for disorderly conduct and resisting arrest, $200 for slugging a policeman.

One Life to Give. In Genoa, Italy. deciding that Mario Mattioli had lied about the length of his compulsory service and remained in the navy an extra year, the Italian government charged him with defrauding it of 730 meals, 1,125 cups of coffee, 2,190 cigarettes, two uniforms, two caps, two pairs of shoes, three pairs of socks, three sets of underwear, seven handkerchiefs and $31.

Breach After Long Silence. In Cincinnati, Le Cameron Trent won a divorce after he testified that his wife "threw chinaware at me, tried to stick me with scissors, took a butcher knife and tried to cut my throat, and wouldn't talk to me."

Uber Alles. Near San Francisco, police bagged Drugstore Clerk Haig Terzian for possessing a marijuana cigarette, made a routine check of his property, found: one Mauser pistol, three cases of dynamite and caps, five hand grenades, a tear-gas gun, a smoke bomb, a 4-ft. brass cannon, a Nazi uniform, two swastika banners, 15 unregistered machine guns.

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.