Unfriendly Sort. In Vancouver, B.C., Rubber-Check Artist Kenneth Miller, 33, cheerfully greeted a man he thought he recognized, realized too late that his old crony was the police detective assigned to nab him.

Cutting Comment. In Batesville, Ark., Patricia Painter, strolling on the street, suffered a deep gash on her leg from a sign attached to a passing bike, reading: "Accidents Spoil Fun."

Esprit de Corps. In Brentwood, England, a British army officer, testifying on behalf of two of his men charged with car theft, conceded that they were inclined to be lawless, slovenly, irresponsible and lazy, but assured the court that they had "good army character."

Tainted Bait. In Denver, Virgil Wilson, 25, wandered into a U.S. Secret Service agency, lifted $10 in coins from a desk drawer, smiled pleasantly at unconcerned employees, was nabbed as he left, hauled off to jail and booked for possession of counterfeit money.

No Dateline. In Milwaukee, an intruder who awakened Elaine Mateus, 21, listened to her "crime doesn't pay" lecture, left after commenting plaintively: "I'd like to ask you for a date, but I suppose it's too late now."

Portrait of the Artist. In New Orleans, after her painting, Modernistic Embrace, won an art-show prize and she was asked to comment on her technique for producing modern art, Artist Lynne Oliver,11, enlightened her admirers: "It's the only thing I can draw."

Piecework. In Phoenix, Ariz., annoyed at watermelon-patch pilfering, a farmer posted a hired hand and himself on each side of his patch, waited with shotguns, gave each thief who showed up the alternative of settling out of court for $10 or going to jail, collected as much as $150 in one night.

The Second Point. In Columbus, Ohio, after police caught Eugene Vernon, 15, with $91 of the $100 he had stolen in a candy store by brandishing a pistol and threatening, "Give me every cent in that register or I'll blow your head off," he offered a conditional surrender: "It was all a joke, fellows. I'm willing to forget it if you are."

The Road Ahead. In Foleyet, Ont., after proud townsmen had happily celebrated the opening of the first road to lead out of their community, and one civic orator had pompously puffed: "It will be no time at all until we feel the real impact of this development," thieves broke into the Hudson's Bay Co. store, lifted its safe and $4,500, escaped in a stolen truck on the new road.

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