"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" "NOTHING/

IN the 50-odd years since Education earned its "E" as a science, the language of the teacher has undergone a gobbledygookish change. A kid no longer has pals; he has a "peer group." He does not study subjects but goes through "a learning experience." And his job often seems less to master the three Rs than to satisfy his "real life" and/or "felt needs." In a new book called Translations from the English (Simon & Schuster; $1.95), Robert Paul Smith, author of the bestselling "Where Did You Go?" "Out." "What Did You Do?" "Nothing.", takes up the problem of how to understand teachers and "other more or less English-speaking people." Among his translations:

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that. At this stage, it's the social adjustment that really counts."

The child cannot read, write, or

count beyond nine, but has stopped

throwing modeling clay into the

sand box.

"We like to see them explore their environment. Of course, sometimes their conceptions are faulty, but that's how we learn, isn't it?"

He has conclusively proved that the class goldfish does not eat blue crayons.

"To be perfectly truthful, he does seem to have developed late in large-muscle control."

He falls on his head frequently. "He shows a real ability in plastic conception."

He can make a snake out of clay. "He has a considerable grasp of spatial values."

He can get a blob of finger paint all over a sheet of paper. And, without half trying, can spatially extend it over his body, his tee shirt, his shoes, dungarees and, unless restrained, you.

"I think that's good. It means that he is trying to interrelate his school experience with his home atmosphere."

He has tentatively established as a working hypothesis that the baby is not addicted to blue crayons. "No, I don't think the work is beyond him. He just won't apply himself."

Come on now, anybody can say, "Here we go loopy loo." "He's rather slow in group integration and reacts negatively to aggressive stimulus."

He cries easily.

"It's been a real pleasure having him in the class this year. He's developed so."

It's the end of the term, the teacher is getting married and quitting the school system--why hold grudges?

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.